Best (and funniest) Simpsons quotes about travel: 10 best travel episodes

Australian man: You call that a knife? This is a knife!

Bart: That's not a knife. That's a spoon.

Australian man: Alright, alright, you win. Heh. I see you've played knifey-spooney before.

Bart: Mom, Dad, just so you don't hear any wild rumours, I'm being indicted for fraud in Australia.

Homer: That's no reason to block the TV.

Homer: What kind of a sick country would kick someone with a giant boot?

Evan Conover: Mr. Simpson, shush! Disparaging the boot is a bootable offense. It's one of their proudest traditions.

See also: Where to go in Australia: Which is the best state for a holiday?

France

While it featured briefly in 'Bart-Mangled Banner' and 'The Devil Wears Nada' (when Carl flirts with Carla Bruni), France gets the full treatment in a first-season episode, 'The Crepes of Wrath'. Bart is sent there on a student exchange trip where he is forced to run errands for a evil pair of winemakers who load their booze with antifreeze. But Bart foils their plan, miraculously learning French in the process.

Best lines

Principal Skinner: Mr. and Mrs. Simpson, we have transcended incorrigible. I don't think suspension or expulsion is going to do it. I think it behooves us all to consider... deportation.

Marge: Deportation? You mean kick Bart out of the country?

Homer: Hear him out, Marge.

Bart: Ah, the life of a frog. That's the life for me.

Marge: Homer, I'd love a glass of that wine Bart brought us.

Homer: [grunting] Sorry, Marge. Some wiseguy stuck a cork in the bottle.

See also: Top 10 things you should never do in France

Japan

There's a meeting with Mr Sparkle in Season 8, but it isn't until Season 10 that the Simpsons set foot in the Land of the Rising Sun. They attend a sumo wrestling tournament, get a job at a fish-gutting factory in Osaka, and end up on a TV game show (with the snappy title 'The Happy Smile Super Challenge Family Wish Show'), while Homer learns origami.

Best lines

Bart: Knife goes in, guts come out.

Homer: If I wanted to see Japanese people, I could have gone to the zoo!

Marge: Homer!

Homer: What? The man who washes the elephants is Japanese! His name is Takashi. He's in my book club!

Wink: Mr. Simpson, we'll cut you down as soon as you answer one question about Japan.

Homer: Is the answer Japan?

Wink: ...actually, it is.

See also: 20 things that will amaze you about Japan

Tanzania (and elsewhere in Africa)

Bart got an elephant (Stampy) in series five, but the family see them in the wild in series 12 after they win a holiday. They fly to Tanzania, before embarking on a whistlestop tour of the continent, visiting Victoria Falls, Ngorongoro Crater, Olduvai Gorge, and Mount Kilimanjaro, and meeting a group of Maasai tribesmen. They eventually visit a chimpanzee sanctuary, complete with a parody of Jane Goodall.

Best lines

Kitenge: Good night. Don't let the bed bugs paralyze. [leaves]

Marge Simpson: Homer, did you remember to tip Kitenge?

Kitenge: [from outside the door] No, he did not.

Flight Attendant: Attention Passengers - Please prepare for our landing in Tanzania.

(Someone hands her a note)

Flight Attendant: I'm sorry. It is now called New Zanzibar.

(Someone hands her another note)

Flight Attendant: Excuse me. It is now called Pepsi Presents New Zanzibar.

See also: Zanzibar: A restaurant with its own island

London

The Simpsons visit London in season 16, where they rent a Mini Cooper and visit the sights, before Homer ends up in the Tower of London for claiming the Queen is an imposter named "Henrietta R. Hippo". Tony Blair, who Homer mistakes for Mr Bean, J.K. Rowling and Ian McKellen all feature as themselves.

Best lines

Homer: Marge I'll be on my best behaviour. You have my word as a gentlemen and a lady. Now let's see, which rifle should I bring?

Homer: We're big shot tourists from everyone's favourite country, the USA. We saved your ass in Vietnam and shared our prostitutes with Hugh Grant, so give me some free maps and none of that dry British wit.

Homer: Well Marge, you gotta admit, I've been on my best behaviour this trip.

Marge: You punched out three people on the street.

Homer: That was over soccer results. Can you believe they gave Giggs a yellow card in the box?!

See also: 10 things most visitors to London miss

China

Homer does the unthinkable in season 16, and pretends to be Selma's husband to help her adopt a child from China. The whole family joins them on the trip, which includes a visit to Tiananmen Square, where a sign reads: "On this spot in 1989, nothing happened."

Best lines

Bart: What the hell's menopause?

Homer: Son, menopause is when the stork that brings babies gets shot by drunken hunters.

Madam Wu: Lisa, soon you will have a Chinese baby sister who will surpass you academically.

Lisa: I don't know about that. I'm considered pretty smart.

Madam Wu: Well, Tibet was considered pretty independent. How'd that work out?

See also: Twenty things that will shock first-time visitors to China

Israel

The Simpsons join the Flanders for a trip to Jerusalem in season 21. Sights including the Wailing Wall, the Dome of the Rock, the Church of the Holy Sepulchre and the Dead Sea appear, while Sacha Baron Cohen guest stars.

Best lines

Ned Flanders: Homer, our Bible study group is going to the Holy Land. I would like to invite you and your family to come as my guests.

Homer: Let's see: go to a war zone with a busload of religious lame-os, in a country with no pork and a desert with no casinos. Where do I sign up?

Homer: It's so cool here in the Tomb of the Unknown Savior.

Ned Flanders: Unknown? He's the most famous person who ever lived!

Homer: Porky Pig?

Ned Flanders: Porky Pig isn't a person! He's a pig, and he's not even a real pig!

Homer: But he is buried here, right?

See also: The road tourists fear to tread

Brazil

Lisa sponsors a South American orphan (named "Ronaldo") in season 13, racking up a huge phone bill in the process. The family head to Brazil to find him, where Homer is kidnapped and Bart is eaten by an anaconda.

Best lines

Bart: We'll never find Ronaldo.

Woman: (Gasps) Ronaldo?

Homer: Do you know him?

Woman: No no. I was just distracting you while my children rob you.

Homer: Can we stop? I have to go to the bathroom.

Kidnapper: You just went five minutes ago!

Homer: I have a bladder the size of a brazil nut!

Kidnapper: We just call them nuts here

See also: 20 reasons to visit Rio de Janeiro

Ireland

The Simpsons visit Ireland in season 20. Homer and Grampa spend most of the episode boozing, before buying a pub called O'Flanagan's, while Marge, Lisa and Bart embark on a geographically improbable tour of the country, visiting Dublin, Blarney Castle and Giant's Causeway.

Best lines

Lisa: Ireland is the leader in communication technologies in all of Europe.

Bart: Take that, Belgium!

Bart: A house and garden show?

(Bart, Lisa and Homer groan)

Bart: You told me we were going to a video game expo!

Lisa: You told me we were going to clean trash on the freeway!

Homer: You told me something but I wasn't listening!

See also: 20 reasons to visit the home of Guinness beer

Italy

Mr Burns instructs Homer to head to Italy in season 17, in order to pick up a recently purchased "Lamborgotti Fasterossa". The rest of the family tag along and they all visit a Tuscan village called "Salsiccia" and Rome - where they see Trajan's Column and the Colosseum.

Best lines

Homer: Why can't you people learn to speak my language? I learned to eat your food!

Homer: You're sending me to Italy?

Mr. Burns: Yes.

Homer: Can I take my family?

Mr. Burns: Sure.

Homer: Do I have to hang out with them?

Mr. Burns: It would be nice.

(Homer groans)

See also: Ultimate food-lover's guide to Italy's best restaurants

The Telegraph, London

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See also: The 22 places you're probably pronouncing incorrectly

See also: The 50 most memorable travel quotes