This was published 9 years ago
How to travel in a pair: Two for the road
By Ute Junker
Kick back: Whether it’s a hiking holiday, a beach retreat or touring Italy, the key is to give yourself time to relax and enjoy your surroundings.Credit: iStock
Here's an idea for a reality show: team up two strangers and send them on holiday together. Sadistic programmers could have endless fun creating mismatched teams: the over-organised traveller paired with the sloth who regularly sleeps through the alarm, or the spendthrift matched with the budget traveller whose idea of a blowout is having two cheese sandwiches for dinner.
The scary thing is, many of us have already lived through something similar. We have headed overseas with someone we thought we knew inside out: a partner, a friend, a family member. On the road, however, we discover our companion has morphed into the stranger from hell. Someone who faffs about so much, you miss the train to the next town. Someone who, by three o'clock every afternoon, is ready to wind down in a cafe, while you are itching to get to the next attraction. Someone who causes a crisis when they leave their passport in the hotel's security box – at every single hotel.
"Travel can put a lot of pressure on a relationship," says John Aiken, relationships psychologist and dating expert with rsvp.com. "Being in a different environment can be very challenging. Dealing with different time zones, language barriers, even food issues can cause serious strains."
Make time to relax.Credit: Trinette Reed
Even for friends or partners who live together, spending 24 hours a day together can also be a challenge. "If you have been deprived of each other, it can be great to have time to connect and communicate," Aiken says. In some cases, however, "constant contact simply means you run out of things to say".
Some couples, however, have mastered the Zen art of harmonious travel. We spoke to five dynamic duos – friends, partners, siblings – who have clocked up some serious miles together. Asked how they stay stress-free, the same things were mentioned over and over: compatibility, flexibility, and understanding each other's limitations. Or, as Aiken puts it, what it comes down to is friendship.
"If you have a high level of friendship in the relationship, you will overcome the challenges quickly, and find that travel even strengthens your bond."
Hot-air balloons over snow-tipped rock formations in Cappadocia in Turkey.Credit: Izzet Keribar
THE ADVENTURERS
Caz and Craig Makepeace
RELATIONSHIP Married with two children
Tourists enjoy the beach near the Mayan ruins of El Castillo in Mexico.
TRAVEL PROFILE Since we got married in 2002, we have spent at least half the time travelling. We are currently travelling around Australia in a camper trailer, documenting our adventures on yTravelBlog.com.
TIPS Be resourceful. So many things can go wrong: we have had to fix all kinds of things. Watch a few episodes of McGyver.
Know when you have reached your limit. We were supposed to travel around South Australia for one to two months, but our enthusiasm was waning, so we cut the trip short.
A young couple walk past the East Side Gallery in Berlin.Credit: Getty Images
HIGHLIGHT Craig: We have done a lot of strenuous hiking, everywhere from the Rocky Mountains to Vietnam. When you are outside your comfort zone and relying on each other, you feel like a team. It builds a bond.
LOWLIGHT Caz: We spent five months backpacking through Africa. Once the car we were travelling in broke down, about two hours from the nearest village. We were so hot and tired, we erupted at each other. We walked the whole way with about 20 metres separating us. We only started talking to each other when we reached the village, when we had to decide what to do next.
THE GLOBETROTTERS
A gondola trip in Venice, Italy.Credit: Dave G Kelly
Andrew Hamadanian and Matt Randall
RELATIONSHIP partners
TRAVEL PROFILE We met 14 years ago and within a month, we went on our first trip together. Since then, we have taken 46 trips, from big adventures to Asian luxury holidays to quick breaks.
Gorillas in the Virunga Mountains, Rwanda.Credit: Getty Images
TIPS Once you have set your budget and organised the basics, don't plan too much in advance. Just arrive, walk around and experience a bit of local life. Too much planning can ruin the spontaneity.
You don't have to do everything together. We do a lot together, but if one person wants to lie by the pool, the other one goes out exploring. We even do our own thing at the airport, meeting up at the gate.
HIGHLIGHT Andrew: The little things can be as fun as the big things. Matt loves trains, so we spent a whole day in Wuppertal, an industrial town in Germany, going back on forth on the world's only hanging railway. Matt had a ball, and I really enjoyed being with him while he was having such an amazing time.
A tropical beach at Maldives.Credit: iStock
LOWLIGHT Matt: We went to see the gorillas in Rwanda, which was amazing. However, the trip we went on involved camping. We had never camped before, and were so ill-prepared. We had sleeping bags, but no roll mats, not even a torch. It was so uncomfortable, we had the biggest bust-up over it. That was 10 years ago, and we haven't camped since.
THE BUDGET TRAVELLERS
Jessie and Clare Stephens
Wat Pho temple and the reclining Buddha in Bangkok, Thailand. Reclining Buddha, Wat Po, Bangkok, Thailand
RELATIONSHIP Sisters
TRAVEL PROFILE We're low-to-medium budget travellers; we tend to go with the flow. We often travel together, and sometimes travel in a larger group.
TIPS Keep your mouth shut. If one of you has done all the organisation, the other person has to live with the results. You can't have a go at them if the occasional hotel is not that great. Allow enough time. When there are two of you, everything takes longer, from getting ready in the morning to meals to going to the bathroom. The more people you add to the picture, the more time it takes. With five people, it's a nightmare!
HIGHLIGHT Clare: On our way back from a really big European holiday, we stopped in Dubai for a couple of nights. After an intense trip, it was really great just to hang out and de-brief on everything we'd done.
LOWLIGHT Jessie: I was really looking forward to visiting this particular museum in New Orleans, which is meant to be one of the best in the world. I was planning to spend at least three hours there, but because Clare slept in, we only got to spend one hour there before it shut. I really blew up at her.
THE BACKPACKERS
Leah McDonald and Rowena Lyrijis
RELATIONSHIP Colleagues
TRAVEL PROFILE We have travelled together to a number of countries. We are flashpackers: we stay in hostels, but only in the best rooms. We're into the cultural side of things, but we love a party along the way.
TIPS Use your strengths. If one of you is better at organising things, let them do it. Travel with someone who is the same size. We are able to share each other's wardrobe, which is great. You can only fit so many clothes in a backpack, so this way, we have double the clothes.
HIGHLIGHT Leah: Rowena was set on going hot-air ballooning in Cappadocia in Turkey. I wasn't going to do it, but she pushed me into it. I'm so glad she did: it was absolutely amazing.
LOWLIGHT Rowena: We both got horrendously sick in Greece, because we were so run down from cramming so much in every day and partying every night. We came down with these horrendous chest infections. It was worth it, though.
THE SLOW-LANE TRAVELLERS
Andy Way and Ian Macrae
RELATIONSHIP Partners/business partners
TRAVEL PROFILE We have been together for 40 years, and worked together for most of that. We travelled together for work all over Australia, Asia and Europe. For the past 15 years, we have visited Europe every year. We usually travel for around seven weeks at a time.
TIPS Give yourself time. We spend five days per place minimum, wherever we can. You have enough time to unpack your suitcase, and to settle in. You get to see the unexpected, as well as the obvious. Never book the 7am flight. You deserve the opportunity to wake up properly without having to rush to the airport. The hotel won't let you in before 2pm anyway, so what's the point of getting there early?
HIGHLIGHT Ian: We like a project. After we read M, Peter Robb's book about Caravaggio, we made a master plan to track down every Caravaggio we could find. We had a really great time doing that.
LOWLIGHT Andy: We have had the odd robbery and lost luggage, and in Istanbul when the protests were on, we got hit with tear gas and pepper spray, which the wind had picked up and brought over to us. Fortunately, both of us are the type to stay calm and deal with it..
TWO TO TRAVEL
Found yourself a new travel companion? These questions help you sort out if it will be holiday heaven or hell.
1. What is your budget? Talk about not just how much you are happy to spend, but also what you are prepared to spend it on. Will you settle for three-star accommodation so you can afford a city tour? Do you want to take a taxi to the hotel, or are you happy to schlep on the train?
2. Do you have any special needs? Maybe you are a light sleeper who can't sleep if your room is too close to the lifts. Maybe you are prone to low blood-sugar levels, and need to eat regularly every five hours. Share the information before you leave to avoid unexpected meltdowns along the way.
3. What is top of your hit list? If you have a must-visit – perhaps you want to tick off every Gaudi building in Barcelona - tell your travel partner. If they don't want to come with you, they can plan to do something else during that time.
4. What's your travel speed? Are you up at dawn to hit the gym, then powering through three museums before lunch? Or do you prefer to take it slow? Make sure you are on the same timetable.
5. Where are we going for dinner? Some people research each meal; others like to wander along until they find a place that takes their fancy. If you have different approaches, take it in turns to pick the restaurant.
6. What about shopping? If you are determined not to leave Italy before you have found the perfect dinner set, or if you have timed your trip to coincide with the end-of-season sales, 'fess up, then decide how you are going to fit it into the itinerary.
7. Do you tip? The most extraordinary fights can develop over who gets a tip, and how much they get. Decide an approach and stick with it.
THE POWER OF TWO
"Travelling together can be fraught, or it can help make your relationship stronger," says relationships expert John Aiken. Here are his tips for how couples in a relationship can bond and avoid the blowups.
1. Do something new. Experiencing new things together has an incredibly positive impact. That could be visiting a new country, or just sitting on a new section of your favourite beach.
2. Work together. Whether you are trying to figure out a bus timetable in France, or climbing a mountain together, doing things as a team can help you bond.
3. Turn off the technology. Updating your Facebook and Twitter all the time means you are not actually communicating with each other.
4. De-stress at the end of each day. Go over what happened that day, what was great, what made you anxious. This isn't about trying to fix things, but about listening to and siding with your partner.
5. Take some time out. Spending too much time together can burn you out. Have some independent time each day.
ALONE, TOGETHER
Spending every waking moment together gets tiring fast. These two-speed destinations give both of you plenty of room to do your own thing.
BERLIN, GERMANY
Whether you are into music, modern art or history, Berlin offers a multitude of options. History buffs could fill an entire week with the specialist tours on offer, from World War II-themed itineraries to explorations of the tunnels dug by East Germans trying to escape under the Berlin Wall. Art lovers shouldn't miss the city's extraordinary museums, which from the world-class Picasso museum to a gallery devoted to photographer Helmut Newton, while music lovers are also spoiled for choice, with eight symphony orchestras, including the Berlin Philharmonic, based in the city. See visitberlin.de/en
SANTIAGO, CHILE
The best thing about Santiago is its location halfway between the mountains and the sea. That gives visitors a choice of day trips that showcase completely different aspects of this country. Valle Nevado, La Pavada and El Colorado are among the most popular ski centres, less than 60 kilometres from the city. Their perch high in the Andes means they also offer great hiking in summer. Head in a different direction and in less than an hour you will come to the Maipo Valley, one of Chile's most loved wine regions. Many wineries, including vina Concha y Toro and Vina Tarapaca are open to visitors. See chile.travel/en
ISTANBUL, TURKEY
An ancient imperial capital that is also a vibrant modern metropolis, a city that straddles two continents, Istanbul is both dizzying and enchanting. Once you have ticked off the big sights together - the Aya Sofya, the Blue Mosque, the Topkapi Palace, the Grand Bazaar – there is plenty to explore on your own. Museum lovers will want to visit Santral Istanbul and the Museum of Modern Art for contemporary art, or Sakip Sabanci for the calligraphy and ancient jewellery at the museum. History buffs should have Dolmabahce Palace and the Roman cisterns at the top of their lists. Prefer just mooching? Hours fly by when you are wandering through riverside neighbourhoods such as Bebek on the European side and Kadikoy on the Asian side. See goturkey.com
BANGKOK, THAILAND
Let's face it: for many visitors, a stopover in Bangkok is all about the shopping. If your travel companion is raring for some retail therapy, rest assured that there are plenty of other diversions available. Sign up for a cooking class; visit one of the city's quirky museums, such as the Thai Air Force Museum or the Bangkok Forensic Museum; or take a ferry out to the densely-forested Bang Kra Jao peninsula, where the stilt houses and plantations are redolent of an earlier era. Alternatively, take yourself on a temple tour. From the golden Buddha at Wat Traimit and the reclining Buddha and the blind masseurs at Wat Pho to the riotous Hindu decorations at Sri Mariamman, each has its own charms. See au.tourismthailand.org
YUCATAN PENINSULA, MEXICO
The scenic stretch of the Caribbean coast between Cancun and Tulum is known as the Riviera Maya, which sums up the main attractions: lovely white-sand beaches and magnificent Mayan ruins. For some, the pull of the ocean is hard to resist: once they have seen the magnificent Mayan city of Chichen Itza, they are content to concentrate on some serious beach time. If your companion has permanently decamped to the beach, there are plenty of day trips to keep you busy. Kayak through the Sian Ka'an Biosphere Reserve, go birdwatching in Rio Lagartos (the flamingos are big favourites), swim in one of the area's spectacular cenotes, go diving off Isla Mujeres, or just check out some more Mayan ruins. See visitmexico.com
STOCKHOLM, SWEDEN
Arts, music, design, and plenty of fresh air: the Swedish capital gives its visitors plenty to be going on with. Go gallery-hopping in the trendy Sodermalm district – also known as SoFo – or check out Picasso, Pollock and Rauschenberg at the Moderna Museet. Get lost in the maze-like medieval quarter, Gamla Stan, or invest in some Swedish style in the city's design shops (Svenskt Tenn, Studio B3) or boutiques (Cheap Monday, ALTEWAISAOME). Alternatively, if you are ready to hit the great outdoors, the thousands of islands surrounding the city offer superb kayaking and hiking opportunities. See visitstockholm.com
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