Las Vegas Rock 'n' Roll fantasy camp

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This was published 7 years ago

Las Vegas Rock 'n' Roll fantasy camp

By Ben Groundwater
The writer with ''bandmates'' Les, left, and Bones.

The writer with ''bandmates'' Les, left, and Bones. Credit: Ben Groundwater

"Hi, I'm Bones. I'm your bass player."

Whoa. I have a bass player. And Bones looks every inch the bass player too, with long hair sticking out from his black bandanna, a sleeveless black T-shirt, and skull rings sitting across the gnarled knuckles he's extending towards me in a handshake.

I have a bass player. I have a drummer too, a guy called Les who speaks with a cockney accent that's come straight from a Spinal Tap audition. Bones and Les are my bandmates. We're about to record a song.

The writer at Exotics Racing

The writer at Exotics RacingCredit: Ben Groundwater

These two guys are bona fide rock stars, musicians who have recorded and toured with artists like Sammy Hagar and Lemmy Kilmister. They've spent their lives honing their musical craft, playing shows in smoky bars, recording songs long into hazy nights, living the life, living the dream.

They're pretty much like me really, except that in real life I've never done any of those things. I've fantasised about them though, plenty of times. And if there's one city in the world where you can live your fantasy, whatever that fantasy may be, it's Las Vegas.

And so here I am in Sin City, about to live the rock-star dream. This morning I've fronted up to Rock 'n' Roll Fantasy Camp, a music studio set just across from the lights and largesse of the Vegas Strip. In keeping with the fantasy I'm also feeling pretty rough, having gone to a music festival the night before and then carried on much later than I should have.

The writer onstage, left.

The writer onstage, left.Credit: Ben Groundwater

It's 11am, and the sun is beating down on the city like a hangover on a rock star's brain. I follow Bones and Les into the building, down hallways strung with photos of Fantasy Camp alumni like Steve Vai, Tony Iommi, Zakk Wylde and Steven Tyler, before we turn a corner and enter the studio, drum kit, amps and guitars set up on a dark stage, and a recording desk in front of it.

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Bones grins. "OK Ben, what did you have in mind? What do you want to play? What are we going to do?"

It's up to me? Stricken, all I can think of is that immortal line from the movie Almost Famous: "Just make me look cool."

The Vegas strip from the Cosmopolitan Hotel.

The Vegas strip from the Cosmopolitan Hotel. Credit: Ben Groundwater

That is, after all, what I'm here for. I'm here to live the rock'n'roll dream. I have a bass player and drummer, and that's not all.

For this trip to Vegas I have a personal chauffeur who drives me around in a limousine. I have a Ferrari that I can drive around a racetrack. I have my name on the door at some of the hottest clubs in town. I have bookings at the best restaurants. I have a suite at the Cosmopolitan Hotel, overlooking the Strip. I have, in short, all the makings of a rock god fantasy come true.

This trip even began in rock-god style. I'm back at Sydney airport, and I've just been given the improbable news by a Qantas rep that they're upgrading me to business class. There are actual rock stars who don't get that sort of treatment.

Downtown Vegas.

Downtown Vegas.Credit: Ben Groundwater

I arrive refreshed in Vegas to find Greg, my driver, ready to walk me out to his limo and whisk me into town. "Hey, you know who was in the back of this limo a few days ago?" he asks as we speed towards the Strip. "Steven Tyler from Aerosmith. Seriously! He was here with his daughters, come to take them to see Britney Spears. Really nice guy. Actually, come to think of it, a few weeks before that I had Britney Spears in here!"

That's the sort of city this is, where rock stars are common, and wannabes get to mix with them. I haven't spotted any while checking in to the Cosmo, but pretty soon I'm off for dinner at Nobu Restaurant, a notorious celebrity hang-out. No musicians appear to be here tonight – but, well, I am.

At Nobu I eat yellowtail with jalapenos; soft-shell crab with watermelon; crispy rice with spicy tuna. In my mind proper rock stars only eat Jack Daniel's and Coke for dinner, but I'll settle for high-end Japanese.

Rock in Rio

Rock in RioCredit: Ben Groundwater

Next I'm off to the new Omnia Nightclub, the hottest ticket in town for those who like dance music and celebrity spotting. Miley Cyrus once played an impromptu gig here. Justin Bieber had his birthday party in a back room. Maybe that's why there's a huge queue out the front.

To be honest though, aspiring rock gods don't hang out in dance clubs. They're far more likely to be found somewhere like my destination the next day: Exotics Racing, a supercar hire centre where wannabes of all creeds get to sit behind the wheel of an extremely fast car and drive it full-belt around a racetrack. The manager on duty tells me it's "really popular with UFC fighters, boxers, and middle-aged dads".

Today I'm driving a Ferrari F430. Don't worry, I don't know what that means either. All I know is that it's a car I could never afford, and I get to roar around in it at whatever speed I please, provided I keep below the posted limit: 200 miles per hour. That's about 320km/h.

After that experience I go for a "hot lap" with a professional drifting driver at the wheel. We do this last, I'm told, "so you don't get any ideas". Fair enough, too, because I immediately want to get out on the street and tear around corners with my wheels spinning in clouds of smoke.

Fortunately, Greg is picking me up in the limo. Tonight I'm going to see real rock stars at the Rock in Rio music festival. As the name suggests, this is a festival that's usually held in Rio de Janeiro, although every now and then it hits the road for a holiday, and tonight it's calling into Las Vegas.

No Doubt are playing. So are Metallica. I get so swept up in the fantasy that I end up hitting the bars and clubs of Vegas post-festival until well past a rock star's bedtime and that's how I wind up sitting in my room at the Cosmo at 10.30am, light pouring through the windows, staring bleary eyed at my phone and realising I'm supposed to be recording a real song in a real studio with a real band in half an hour.

And now here I am with Les and Bones, getting ready to jam. "Did you bring your own guitar?" Bones asks. Um, no. I did not. "No problem, we'll get you one. Now, what song are we going to do?"

This is what happens at Rock 'n' Roll Fantasy Camp: you get to live the life of a professional musician, recording a song live in the studio with a full band, and getting a CD and DVD of the results. Most people turn up having chosen a song months ago, having practised it until their fingers bled, having memorised the words and timing and chords. But I'm not most rock stars.

Bones can tell I'm not a good guitarist. He can see I'm unprepared. He knows I'm nervous. When he suggests we go out the back for a joint he's only part joking. But then he smiles, he helps me choose a song, he sets me up with a guitar and he tells Les to get ready to play. We're set.

All this time I've been feeling a little silly about this. I'm not a musician, after all. I'm not a rock star. I'm a poser with delusions of grandeur.

But then I look around the studio, at Les behind the drums waiting for me to begin, at the sound guy poised over the mixing desk, at Bones with his bandanna and his skull rings and his broad, encouraging grin. I look at my guitar, I take a deep breath, and I strike the first chord. Music blasts from my guitar amp, Les hits the drums, Bones plucks the bass, I step up to the microphone and get ready to sing, and in that moment, nothing else in the world matters, least of all reality.

I'm a goddamn rock star.

TRIP NOTES

MORE INFORMATION

visitlasvegas.com.au

GETTING THERE

Qantas flies multiple times daily from the east coast of Australia to Los Angeles, with connecting flights to Las Vegas. qantas.com

STAYING THERE

The Cosmopolitan Las Vegas is on the Strip, and has spacious, suite-style rooms with views from $340 per night. cosmopolitanlasvegas.com

PLAYING THERE

Packages at Rock 'n' Roll Fantasy Camp vary in price according to the guest artist and length of the camp. See rockcamp.com. A five-lap drive in a Ferrari at Exotics Racing costs $424 – see exoticsracing.com. For future Rock in Rio dates, see rockinrio.com/usa.

ON THE CHEAP: HOW TO LIVE LIKE A PAUPER IN LAS VEGAS

KISS MINI-GOLF

While playing an actual round of golf in Las Vegas will cost you a packet, it's possible to head over to the KISS-themed Monster Mini-Golf centre and play 18 holes of rock'n'roll-themed putt-putt for US$11.95. Bargain. monsterminigolf.com/kiss

BROOKLYN BOWL

Another of Vegas's best-value venues for rock-star wannabes is Brooklyn Bowl, a live music venue that also has a bowling alley. A game costs US$20, plus shoe hire. Ugly bowling shirts are BYO. brooklynbowl.com/las-vegas

DINE EARLY

Real rock stars can eat at Vegas's best restaurants at any time they please. For everyone else, many eateries offer discounts from 4pm until 7pm, meaning you can eat at Michael Mina, American Fish or Jean Georges Steakhouse for less than US$50.

EIFFEL TOWER EXPERIENCE

A penthouse suite would be great, but those staying closer to ground level can still experience some of the best views on the Strip by paying US$14 to take the elevator to the top of the "Eiffel Tower" at Paris casino. parislasvegas.caesars.com

EXCALIBUR CASINO

Plenty of the casinos on the Strip offer surprisingly affordable accommodation, though one of the cheapest would have to be Excalibur, which has rooms from $85 per night. excalibur.com

Ben Groundwater travelled as a guest of Las Vegas Tourism

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