When I meet people on a cruise, conversation always turns to which ships we've been on and where we've cruised. Recently, I remarked to an elderly couple that I had just been on P&O Cruises' Ventura. That casual comment turned out to be the cruising equivalent of a red rag to a bull because they had been on the ship and hated it: "It was full of children." Why were they surprised, I asked, given that it is advertised as a family ship. It even has Noddy on board, which is a bit of a giveaway. It seems they had known that. "But even so. So many children." They would never go on it again and felt P&O had blotted its copybook.
Tales of cruisers ending up on a vessel that does not suit them are all too common and, unfortunately for P&O, this was not the only couple to make a mistake with Ventura. This was the cruise line's first new ship for three years, eagerly awaited by a loyal band of P&O people so determined to be the first on board that they forgot the first rule of cruising – always do your research to make sure the ship is right for you.
These P&O regulars didn't listen to what the cruise line had said when it unveiling Ventura: that it would be big (it holds more than 3000 passengers), that it would be a family ship (that's cruising speak for "there will be lots of children on board") and that it was designed to attract new people to cruising (it would be less traditional and less stuffy than other P&O ships).
Many regulars discovered, too late, the ship was not like the P&O they had come to know and love. It was not just that there were people on board who did not understand cruising tradition – and all those children. Too many things on the new big ship just weren't working.
Early complaints – from my own and others' experience – ranged from difficulties in getting a table in the Freedom turn-up-when-you-want-to-dine restaurant to over-fast table service, extra-slow drinks service, poor food and a dearth of sunbeds.
It's with some trepidation then that I sail on Ventura again, lured back by a P&O promise that the problems have been ironed out. Certainly hiccups with the drinks service have been resolved.
"This is going to be a good cruise," I tell my family as Ventura pulls out of Southampton, en route to the Norwegian fjords. And it is, despite lousy weather in Norway.
True, there is still some work in progress, in particular in trying to sort out the sunbed problem. Balcony furniture has been replaced with smaller tables and reclining steamer chairs to take pressure off the sunbeds on the top deck and a new sunbathing area at the front of the ship is almost finished. Much as I love the sun, however, I am not one for just sitting in it.
I do like to eat, though, and we head to the improved Freedom dining system. On our previous Ventura cruise, a two-week voyage in the Mediterranean, we had given up trying to eat in the Freedom dining room after four attempts because it was so heavily booked you could get a table only at 6pm (too early for me) or after 9pm (too late).
This time, because they have stopped taking bookings, we get a table at 8pm on the first attempt. We proceed to eat at a steady pace, with breaks between courses – also a welcome improvement.
The second time we visit the dining room, at a similar hour, we're given the choice of a table for six (there are three of us) – which we may have to share – or a 15-minute wait for a table to ourselves.
That is a big and acceptable improvement on "nothing until after 9pm" but by now we've found a new place to eat. Each evening, one side of the Beach House self-service is transformed into a waiter-service diner serving steaks, sizzling chicken, curry, ribs and other such unpretentious dishes. It will not suit traditionalists who like the rather ostentatious menu in the main dining room (jus, anyone?) but if you like food that is tasty and hot, or have children who prefer a less fussy style of dining, then it's a winner.
Others clearly agree. The first evening we eat there it's empty; the next time we wait 10 minutes for a table.
The diner is not the only change likely to upset P&O people for whom the dining room is a great occasion. The cruise line has also "simplified" – or is that "dumbed down"? – the dress code by getting rid of informal evenings. Now it's just formal or smart casual, which suits me fine. But if a cruise is not a cruise for you without the dressing up, don't come on Ventura.
Likewise, accepting that the regulars and new cruisers don't always have the same tastes, P&O has split the entertainment rather neatly, offering the ship's band playing middle-of-the-road classics in the Tamarind Club, and adult comedy and tribute bands in the Havana Lounge for those seeking something more lively.
They don't have the greatest performers but it's fun and Havana is always packed. I suppose that means quite a few passengers get their choice right after all.
CHOOSE YOUR EURO OWN ADVENTURE
Young Europhiles
Costa Cruises
This cruise line is Italian, so most passengers will be from that country, but Costa is also a favourite with the French, Germans, Spanish — in fact. almost every nationality in Europe — so its cruises can be a bit like the United Nations. This can cause some irritations — for instance, announcements are made in at least six languages and the queuing ethic can be a little hit-and-miss — but as long as you don't come expecting American efficiency or British tradition, you will have a great time.
Cool cruisers
Norwegian Cruise Line
While most cruise lines instruct passengers what to pack for their holiday, NCL prefers to tell you what to leave at home. Dinner jacket? Forget it. Evening gown? No way. NCL is the king of cool, just perfect if your idea of a holiday is to wear what you want when you want but don't even consider this line if you think jeans in the dining room means the end of civilisation. Dining is equally casual, with no one telling you where, when or with whom to eat. Instead, just take your pick from the 10 or so eateries available (everything from Asian to Italian), make a booking and turn up.
City slickers
Viking River Cruises
Instead of trying to decide which European city to visit next, why not book a cabin with Viking and tick off a bunch in one go? Viking is a Norwegian-owned company that has cruises on Europe's best-known rivers. Unlike on ocean-going cruises, you will often cruise by day, always be in sight of land and invariably moor in the heart of a city so you can easily explore alone but there are included excursions at each stop if you prefer. Viking has vessels on the Rhine calling at Cologne, Strasbourg, Arnhem, Amsterdam and Dusseldorf; on the Elbe, sailing between Magdeburg (with a day in Berlin first) and Prague; and on the Danube.
Traditional cruisers
Cunard
Tradition and Cunard go together like Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers. On a Cunard cruise — or voyage, as the company prefers to describe it — segregation lives on, although these days money rather than class is the great divider. You can pay more and dine in your private restaurant, away from the hordes in the main dining room. Of course, you will need to pack for lots of formal nights (three on a six-night transatlantic holiday) and you can indulge in afternoon tea served by white-gloved waiters to the soothing sounds of a string quartet. You can spend your days learning how to fold napkins and tie scarves — there are also more interesting things to do, such as tasting wines or being pampered in the spa — and evenings dancing the night away.
Families on a budget
MSC Cruises
Cruising is an easy way to show children the world, providing you pick the right cruise line. Unfortunately, it can be costly, especially as many cruise lines reckon children become adults at the tender age of 12. Step forward MSC Cruises, an Italian line that lets young people stay children until the age of 18, provided they share a cabin with two adults. Next year's cruises are on MSC Opera, which has a club for young children and a disco for teenagers.
Tying the knot
Princess Cruises
This has to be the ultimate in romance; running away to sea to say "I do". It is also an easy way to tie the knot (and one of the cheapest ways to do it in style), as Princess will organise everything, from decorating the chapel (available on selected ships) or wedding venue to providing the cake and photographs. Of course, you don't have to run away — family and friends can enjoy the big day and have a holiday, too. The Caribbean is the wedding hot spot but Princess sails the world, so you could get hitched off South America, in the Baltic or the Mediterranean.
Disco divas
Carnival Cruise Lines
OK, so the ships don't start rocking before they set sail, as Carnival would have you believe, but this is not the cruise line to choose if you seek a tranquil, restful holiday at sea. These are the Fun Ships, so expect lots of young couples and families out to enjoy themselves, whether playing games around the pool, on one of Carnival's trademark water slides, in the disco or in the casino. At dinner, don't be surprised when service stops, music strikes up and the waiters switch from dishing out food to strutting their stuff. Be even less surprised to discover the disco still going in the wee small hours.
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