This was published 12 years ago
Starstruck and roars for more
Celebrities are just like normal people, except they take better holidays. S editor-at-large Shelly Horton follows in the pampered footsteps of Charlize Theron, Elton John and a posse of other A-listers on the trail of South Africa's big game heroes.
Lap of luxury ... giraffes in Kruger National Park.
I'M ALREADY feeling all Out of Africa when our tiny plane touches down on the dirt landing strip on the western border of Kruger National Park. Our guide Dylan is dressed in the standard khaki uniform and is the spitting image of Matt Damon (not quite the Jason Bourne years but not as chubby as in The Informant).
On the drive to the property we spot a giraffe, impala and ostrich. But they are mere bit players in this movie. We arrive at Singita Lebombo Lodge and there's a collective intake of breath. In the middle of the dry game park, Singita Lebombo is an oasis of cool colours with an open, airy design. There are only 15 rooms so it's at capacity when there are just 30 guests. But here's the kicker – there are 160 staff. You are waited on hand and foot and treated like a celebrity.
And oh boy, have the celebs come to play – we're talking serious A-listers: Charlize Theron, Scarlett Johansson, Elton John, Bill Gates, Michael Kors and Martha Stewart have all lounged by the pool and marvelled at the animals.
The room is ridiculous. It's open-plan with a huge bed draped in a mosquito net, a lounge area, desk and spacious bathroom with a deep tub and an outside shower. Every detail is measured and calming. The outside deck has a day bed but they warn you that you may be sharing it with the monkeys who like to chuck the pillows around (ah, so that's why they call them throw rugs). The outlook is majestic and the river flowing nearby is home to a raft of hippos that make their presence known with loud snorts and grunts. But enough of the room, there's no time for lazing about when there are animals to see.
We do two game drives a day. When the celebrities are in the safari vehicles I imagine it feels like a case of role reversal: for once, they are the ones with the cameras, chasing the big five, rather than being chased themselves by paparazzi.
Taking us on our adventure are our guide, Deidre Opi, and tracker, Ecksoni. Opi is a leading female guide in South Africa: she's in the running to be named Guide of the Year, beating thousands of others to make it to the final alongside seven men.
The pool at Singita Lebombo Lodge.
I instantly develop a total girl crush. She's formidable yet feminine. She has an encyclopedic knowledge of the African wildlife plus she's handy with a rifle. Think Cate Blanchett meets Lara Croft. Ecksy is the Morgan Freeman of the tracking world – quiet and serious but his cheekiness comes out through an easy smile.
At dusk we see a pride of 12 lionesses and cubs. They regally ignore us though our jeep is just five metres away. The head lioness reminds me of Angelina Jolie in that they both grew up in the spotlight, are watchful of their children and have a penchant for blood.
Watching the game park come to life is like watching a blockbuster filled with your favourite stars. We stop for a coffee and get a little too close to the hippos, which remind me of Christian Bale on the set of Terminator Salvation – they make themselves look bigger and threaten to attack anyone who walks in their line of vision.
Some impala prance by but they are more like Paris Hilton or Kim Kardashian, pretty reality stars but really a dime a dozen and not worth much attention. The thick skin and war wounds on a rhinoceros give it the same look as Nick Nolte – both in The Wrestler and in his mug shot.
Giraffes are the supermodels of the wild. Like Gisele Bundchen they are ridiculously tall and bat impossibly long eyelashes.
Back at the resort we are treated to a meal that can only be called "Eat them, before they eat you". The degustation of animals we'd seen such as crocodile, warthog, impala, kudu and springbok is delicious and only slightly gamey and pops us back on the top of the food chain.
Every moment is memorable, each safari different to the last. On the final day of our "I'm a celebrity get me into here" experience we are treated to a surprise sundowner. Perched on a cliff admiring the sunset, with our own sommelier and a chef making canapes, it is truly a first-class, pinch-yourself moment. We are beaming and make it back to the resort in time for a South African barbecue in the open-air BOMA, or "British Officers Mess Area", which is basically a fire pit but with a five-star set-up of white tablecloths and polished silver, with fire sticks and subtle lighting in the trees. The staff sing and dance for us. Such joy could only come from local women with names such as Treasure, Precious and Secret.
Three nights is the perfect amount of time at Singita Lebombo. I feel like I've truly had a once-in-a-lifetime, celeb-worthy safari and fine-dining experience. And even though I desperately want to stay longer, I think it's best to leave wanting more, rather than feeling complacent.
WE FLY south to Cape Town and drive an hour to the picturesque wine country of Franschhoek, where we stay at The Owner's Cottage, Grande Provence Estate. Prince Edward and his wife Sophie the Countess of Wessex have stayed here. Jude Law holidayed here back in the old days when he was married to Sadie Frost. And recently our very own Kate Ritchie had her honeymoon here with her hubby Stuart Webb.
It's an elegant, five-bedroom cottage tastefully furnished in warm earthy colours; it feels welcoming and homely on one hand and luxurious and opulent on the other. We are treated to a degustation meal by Australian chef Darren Roberts.
Roberts is a genius in the kitchen having trained under Stephanie Alexander and went on to become a pastry chef at L. Heiner Konditorei in Vienna, considered by many to be the finest bakery and patisserie in the world. And if that's not cool enough, he was also personal chef to Val Kilmer. Yet no matter where he works he's still down to earth and fun to chat with over any of his amazing meals.
Franschhoek is known for its wine and we visit many vineyards but when it comes down to it, the Grande Provence Heritage Wine Estate is the best by a golden mile. You feel quite smug going to sleep in The Owner's Cottage surrounded by lush vines busily growing their next gold medal-winning grapes.
THE final leg of our tour and we are staying at the One&Only in Cape Town, a vast luxury resort on the Victoria & Alfred Waterfront. After days of boutique exclusivity, it's strange to readjust to crowds of people. A quick tour of the penthouse helps. It's jaw-droppingly spacious with complete dining rooms, bedrooms, gym and a kitchen with a butler's entrance.
Denzel Washington spent four months in the penthouse while he was in town filming Safe House. I am told the method actor asked the staff to refer to him as Mr Frost, his character in the movie. Apparently after three months he became sick of it and asked them to use his real name. Ah, he's human after all.
Other celebs who have stayed here include the likes of Mick Jagger, Matt Damon, Elton John and David Furnish, Molly Sims, Sharon Stone, Mariah Carey, Robert De Niro, Leonardo DiCaprio and Gordon Ramsay.
Speaking of chefs, one of the best things about One&Only is celebrity chef Reuben Riffel's eponymous restaurant, Reuben's. The Barack Obama lookalike is charming and humble and yet one of the hottest chefs in South Africa. He has his own TV show and has appeared on Martha Stewart's show in the US. But ask him who has influenced his cooking and he names Australian super-chefs Neil Perry, Matt Moran and Tetsuya.
It was time for the closing credits on my trip. But I tell you, if this is how the other half lives, oh boy am I ready for my close-up.
The writer travelled courtesy of Qantas and South African Airlines and was a guest of the hotels.
Trip notes
Getting there
Qantas operates a daily four-class B747-400 service between Sydney and Johannesburg. Typical flight time is 14 hours 10 minutes. 13 13 13, qantas.com.au.
Federal Air offers a daily return flight direct to Singita Sabi Sands from Johannesburg's O. R. Tambo International Airport. $370 a person one way, $284 a child one way. Fedair.com.
South African Airlines has flights on the hour between Johannesburg and Cape Town from $135 one way. Flysaa.com.
Staying there
Singita Lebombo Lodge is on a 15,000-hectare private concession in the eastern south-central part of the Kruger National Park, South Africa. +2721 683 3424, singita.com.
Grande Provence Estate, Owner's Cottage is located in the magnificent Franschhoek Valley in South Africa's Western Cape. +2721 876 8600. grandeprovence.co.za.
One&Only Cape Town is a five-star resort hotel on the Victoria & Alfred Waterfront. +2721 431 5800, capetown.oneandonlyresorts.com.
How much
Singita Lebombo is 12,250 rand ($1500) an adult a night. Rate includes all-suite accommodation, three meals, two open Land Rover safaris a day, walking and mountain-bike safaris accompanied by experienced guides and trackers plus all drinks, including premium wines, spirits and liqueurs (excluding French champagne).
The Owner's Cottage is exclusively booked so for one couple, rates are from 13,000 rand (low season) for one room, 29,000 rand for five rooms. Includes full breakfast and a three-course dinner, wine tasting, cellar tours, Grande Provence wines and a selection of spirits, 24-hour security, airport transfers to and from Cape Town and wireless internet access.
One&Only king rooms start at 4224 rand a night, including fresh fruit on arrival, kids' club, pillow menu, scent menu, daily breakfast, complimentary access to the spa thermal suite and fitness centre.
Grande Provence
EstateOwner's Cottage is located in the magnificent Franschhoek Valley in South Africa's Western Cape.
Top marks
The degustation dinner prepared by Australian chef Darren Roberts will not be forgotten soon.
Black mark
The rooms were a tad cold but I jumped into bed to find the staff had put a hot water bottle between the covers.
Don't miss
The Wine tasting conducted by winemaker Jaco Marais showed why they have so many medals on their bottles.
Sign up for the Traveller newsletter
The latest travel news, tips and inspiration delivered to your inbox. Sign up now.