The 13 things you will never hear an Australian traveller say

You can pick Aussie travellers from miles off. It's the clothes we wear; it's the places we show up; and it's the things we say. We're kind of loud. We're pretty obvious. We're usually having a good time and not afraid to tell everyone about it.

Australians are also identifiable, though, by the things we don't say. There are phrases and sentences you'll just never hear a fellow Aussie utter. These might be common sentiments for people of other nationalities, but your average 'Strayan will definitely not be getting involved.

"I wish we had coffee like this back home"

There aren't many things that Australians are dead-set certain we do better than the rest of the world, but coffee has become one of them. No one arrives home from overseas raving about the coffee there, wishing they could get their hands on it in Australia. In fact it's the opposite: plenty of Australians spend their trips away vocally craving a decent flat white.

See also: Sorry world, Australia's coffee is better than yours

"That is the most beautiful beach I've ever seen"

You can't impress an Australian with a beach. That's a rule of thumb that tourism boards around the world should take heed of. Mediterranean beaches, Caribbean beaches, Indian Ocean beaches and Pacific Island beaches – they're all lovely, but they're not as good as what we've got back home.

See also: Australia's best beaches to visit in winter

"I'd love to visit that country – but it's too far away"

This is a lament you often hear from other travellers, particularly Americans, but also Brits and other Europeans. They'd love to go somewhere, but it's just too far away. Australians are different. Our classic holiday destination, the one we all assume we'll go to pretty early on in our travelling careers – London – is a 24-hour flight away. For us, taking a nine-hour jaunt to Asia is nothing. We'll go anywhere, any time.

"That's too long to be away"

This is another one you hear from other nationalities, people who don't get many holidays, who don't want to be away from their desk for more than a couple of weeks. Australians aren't like that. We'll take a month off. We'll take two if we can get it. We'll also take a whole year off when we finish school, when we finish uni, when we're in our late 20s, after we've had kids… In fact pretty much any time.

"I'm not eating anything weird"

The Australian take on what's "weird" when it comes to food is markedly different to many other countries, mainly because we're exposed to so many cuisines in our hometowns. You see Asian travellers who constantly crave rice and noodles; you find Europeans who won't touch anything spicy. Australians, however, have grown up on food from around the world.

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See also: The best country in the world for food

"It's so good to find some other Australians"

There are several reasons you never have to say this. One is that at no point on your travels will you ever be lacking in Australian company. We're everywhere. The second is that most Australians will never actually admit to being on the lookout for compatriots to hang with. The only exceptions are on Australia Day, Grand Final Day, and when State of Origin is on.

See also: 14 signs that make it obvious you're a tourist

"Do you think people will be offended if we get really smashed?"

Australians, generally, are good travellers. We do as locals do when we're overseas. We follow local customs; we're generous and respectful. The only thing we seem to have a problem with is curtailing our booze consumption for local sensitivities. We like to drink, and if they're selling alcohol, we're going to order a lot of it. Regardless of what anyone thinks.

"The rent here is insanely expensive"

Property-obsessed Australians love asking locals of other countries how much rent they pay. And unless you're in Switzerland, or Japan, or maybe Sweden, the answer will inevitably be such a piddling sliver of the amount we pay in Australia that you'll instantly weigh up the possibility of moving there.

"This is the best country in the world"

Most Australians' love of seeing the rest of the world is matched only by their love of being able to return to their homeland. Travel is great, but it's pretty rare that you'll ever hear an Australian say a particular country is better than our own.

See also: Why do Australians travel so much?

"Do they accept Australian dollars here?"

I've travelled with so many Americans who seem convinced that they should – and will – be able to pay for everything overseas in their own currency. "Can I pay in US?" Ah, you're in the Czech Republic, so, no. Australians, however, never assume people will accept their weirdly colourful currency.

"Everything here is so far apart"

So many Europeans arrive in Australia and are stunned by the distances they need to cover to get from place to place, amazed that you can drive for six hours and barely see another car, let alone anything resembling civilisation. Australians often have the opposite reaction when they leave home: everything in other countries is so close together.

See also: 10 countries you should have already visited

"Are you from Australia, or New Zealand?"

A common question from anyone who's not from either Australia or New Zealand. If you ever do catch yourself asking someone this, you've been away from home far too long.

"How great is tipping?"

We're not natural tippers. It's not part of our culture, and it's not part of our psyche. It feels like a rip-off. Sure, we'll do it in North America, we'll do it in Europe, but we certainly won't enjoy it. And as soon as we get home again, it's back to regulation stinginess.

What do you think are the things you'll never hear Australian travellers say?

Email: b.groundwater@fairfaxmedia.com.au

Instagram: instagram.com/bengroundwater

​See also: 11 foreign customs Australians will never understand

See also: 13 lessons Australians could learn from the Japanese

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