Travel tips and advice: Stupid things hotel guests do

Do we leave our better selves behind when we check into a hotel? If you believe the tales told by hotel staff some guests develop fangs, horns and a long red tail between the time they leave the reception desk and their room. It's not only manners and morals that some leave at the check-in desk but also brains. Here are five major fails.

Try and register under an alias

There was once a time when you could book in as Mr and Mrs Smith, pay with cash and a nod and a wink to the check-in clerk and nobody was ever the wiser. These days a hotel wants to see your credit card, and you know how credit card institutions feel about fake names. Ask to pay with cash and the check-in clerk will look at you like a flashing neon sign with the word "criminal" just lit up on your forehead. The only people who pay with cash are those who might want to play ninja warrior and trash the furniture, refine their crossbow marksmanship or smuggle their emotional support boa constrictor into the room only to disappear without trace. Celebrities can get away with an alias. Kim Kardashian has used Princess Jasmine. Lindsay Lohan has been known as Bella Lovelace, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are Bryce and Jasmine Pilaf. They just can. But not you.

See also: Why I don't want housekeeping coming into my room

Channel your inner Robert Downey Jr. at the check-in desk

"Don't you remember me/know who I am?", "I was promised an upgrade", "I've just got off a long flight and I need to get into my room right now." Guess what? You just talked yourself into the worst room available. Instead of the upper storey palm court vista suite that was rightfully yours you are now viewing a parking lot from a room situated beside the service lifts where you will be awakened at regular intervals by rumbling trolleys. The check-in staff are not your personal punching bag. Common politeness aside, they have the power to mess with your stay in ways that are limited only by their imagination.

See also: Why you should never use the hotel room coffee pot

Threaten a bad review on Tripadvisor

Blackmail is a dirty word but some guests will play the card in their quest for a discount, or even a free room. They'll drape hairs over the room service pizza and claim the staff did it, complain the mattress was too hard/soft/not like the one at home, the chocolate on the pillow contained nuts and I'm allergic "and I'll post a negative review unless I get a discount". And they get away with it. Such is the power of review sites that most hotels will roll over provided the demands are not too extortionate, but there are exceptions. L'Hotel Quebec in Canada sued a guest for $95,000 for posting a negative review on Tripadvisor. After the guest complained he'd been bitten by bedbugs, hotel staff offered to book him into another hotel as all their rooms were full. The guest refused but the following day did relocate to another room when one became vacant. According to the hotel's lawyer he subsequently sent a letter of demand asking for $500. When that didn't happen he posted the negative review, and the hotel sued. The review is still there on Tripadvisor. It's the only review Laurent A. of Montreal, Canada, has ever posted. That should make you go "Hmmm".

See also: Has your hotel room been cleaned? Here's how one guest found out

Express dismay when the discount rate lands you a discount room

So you booked through Expedia or Hotels.com and congratulated yourself because you got a sweet deal? And now – surprise – you're siting in a dungeon? You might be paying less than the guest who checked in at the same time but all their money went straight to the hotel while a sizeable chunk of yours was siphoned by the booking site. As well as delivering less revenue, guests who look for the cheapest rate have no loyalty value to the hotel. Since you'll probably never pass through their portals again there's no reason for the hotel to go out of their way to make you happy, so they won't. Already booked yourself a cheapie? Here's what you do. Approach the reception desk, smile, hand over a crisp $20 bill or the local currency equivalent and say "This is for you. Whatever you can do for me, I'd really appreciate it." Boom, instant upgrade.

See also: How to get an upgrade at a hotel

Not using the room safe

Guilty! I once locked my passport and cash in a room safe in a Bali hotel, forgot the combination and had to wake up for the safe mechanic who didn't arrive until after midnight. Scarred by the experience I subsequently neglected to use the safe in a hotel in Chiang Mai in Thailand. When I got back to my room after a night out my wallet was slimmer by two $100 notes. I felt so unbelievably stupid that I didn't report it to the front desk.

See also: The rules for stealing toiletries from fancy hotels

See also: Why hotels avoid room 420