What happens when you accidentally bring food into a foreign country: How a simple banana cost me $401

And off I went, already thinking of that sneaky Maccas burger I would grab in the arrivals hall.

"Oh look," I thought. "One of those nice sniffer dogs. It won't bother me."

I had got half a step past it when I heard those dreaded words.

"Sir, the dog has indicated something in your bag."

Wait, what? No need to panic, I know there's nothing in my bag. Maybe the dog had a long day and was bored and that's why he picked me out. Give him a bit of excitement, a beagle on a power trip.

So handing over my bag I knew I was all good. The official had a search and couldn't find anything. See, vindicated. She dropped the bag down to the dog, and he did his "thing" again. So ensued another search.

It was looking good again, well that was until she opened a more hidden pocket.

"Hang on," she said, voice slightly raised. "What's this?" And then she pulled out a single, still very yellow, banana.

Ahh crap.

It was then I remembered I had gone straight from work to Sydney and had accidentally left my lunch in the bag. The banana had travelled with me to Australia and then back again and was just metres from freedom. I had completely and utterly forgotten about it.

"Step this way ... we need to process you."

By process, I knew I was about to become $NZ400 ($A363) lighter.

So there I sat, on my own, in the waiting room of shame, as all those "losers" from earlier filed past me, probably muttering to themselves about the "druggie" who had been caught out.

There is no excuse - I was just an idiot. It's not like they don't tell you on the plane about bringing food in, or the arrival card, or the many bins telling you "this is your last chance to drop any illicit fruit and veg".

When I asked Biosecurity New Zealand later about what risks my well-travelled banana could pose to New Zealand, a spokesperson said "it could carry diseases or hitchhiking pests that might damage New Zealand's primary industries or natural environment.

"We often intercept bananas contaminated with regulated pests, including mites and mealy bugs. Sometimes what appear to be ripening spots on the fruit turn out to be fungal diseases."

So at least they stopped me doing any damage.

I also found out that I am part of a statistic now. Biosecurity officers seized nearly 23,000 fresh produce items from air passengers between July 2017 and June 2018 – that's a monthly average of close to 1900.

Often while watching the likes of Border Patrol, the culprits seem to get away with things lightly, unless, of course, their faces are blurred. Then you know they're the ones in a heap of doo-doo. You often see them shout or act crazy. That didn't cross my mind. I would have made the worst TV subject. I just shrugged my shoulders and accepted my fate. No Hilary Swanking here (she protested after only getting fined $200 for bringing an apple into New Zealand. It was a smaller fine back in 2005 ... pft, amateur.)

I have read other tales of people being let off the fine. One Aussie writer spoke of her run-in with 'banana-geddon' after forgetting she had the fruit on arriving in Auckland. She got off with a warning. Another woman fought the Ministry for Primary Industries after she was stopped with three apple slices and two squashed grapes. She went to court, and won.

I asked Biosecurity New Zealand if they often waive the $400 fine.

"Our officers have some discretion on whether a fine or warning is appropriate. However, we are increasingly taking a hard line on arriving air passengers who fail to declare items that could bring pests or diseases into New Zealand."

And the worst part about it? I never even got to eat my $400 (plus $1 cost) banana aka my most expensive and well travelled lunch ever. It was dumped into a bin as soon as I handed over my credit card. I only found out later that you can't eat your accidentally smuggled bounty in the controlled area anyway.

Now, this is not a "poor me" whinge. I was a prat, and I own that. We all have done some stupid stuff in our lives, after all, "he who is without sin, throw the first stone (fruit)".

It is more of a warning to really check every nook and cranny of your bags the next time you fly. No matter how many times you see the warning signs, no matter how many flights you take or airports you trudge through, or the number of hours watching Border Patrol, you are only one absent-minded banana smuggle away from exciting a bored detection pooch.

Stuff.co.nz

See also: The world's toughest security and immigration

See also: The apple that cost a plane passenger $500