All in the family

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This was published 13 years ago

All in the family

Katherine Russell Rich finds homestays are affordable and a window to real-life Bollywood drama.

Staying as a paying guests with an Indian family can offer unparalleled immersion in the culture and language.

Staying as a paying guests with an Indian family can offer unparalleled immersion in the culture and language.Credit: Christer Fredriksson/Lonely Plan

I had barely settled into my lodgings in the city of Udaipur, in southern Rajasthan, when the proprietor was at the door. Singh, a congenial man, had acquired a rueful urgency.

Something had happened, he told me. Something big and, well, he was going to need to ask me to stay for two months - for this, he looked most apologetic - and to pay the corresponding rent upfront. But only because he had to be sure I remained in place.

I bit my tongue. I was in India to learn Hindi and staying in his haveli, or mansion, as a lodger, so I had an obligation to hear out my newly transfigured relative. I stared at him.

He rushed to explain.

''The reason is: last night, I have got the proposal for my daughter.'' A marriage offer for Puja, his oldest. His smile was barely contained.

''The boy is a lawyer from a Rajput family.'' Good job, same caste. ''It is 99.99 per cent certain.''

The pandit (Hindu wise man) just had to weigh in and it'd be a go - as long as, he continued, in the nicest manner possible, I didn't screw it up. They'd had the call the night I'd moved in. Clearly, I was auspicious and had, through cosmic machinations known only to the gods, brought on this happy event. This meant that if I left before negotiations were complete, the whole thing could topple and I could scotch Puja's dreams.

By that point, I'd been a paying guest in several homes and knew the ropes. I performed fast calculations in my head. With his claim that I was auspicious to the proceedings, Singh was, by Indian reckoning, on firm ground. However, demanding two months' rent in advance, while ingenious, was over-the-top.

No, no, no, I repeated sternly and went on to have a lovely stay. I had the run of what had been the women's quarters in the Singhs' ancient haveli, with 17th-century murals of tiger hunts adorning the walls. In the afternoons, stained-glass windows threw confetti of light across the gleaming marble floors.

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In the mornings, Singh would bring me breakfast and stories: ''In my grandfather's time, men and women could not sleep together. The laws were very strict. My grandmother slept upstairs. So my grandfather made a hole in the ceiling and, late at night, pulled her through.''

The arrangements were spectacular and spectacularly serene and, with meals, came to about $8 a night.

Staying as a paying guest can be a terrific way to visit India. Though little-known outside the subcontinent, the system has existed here for years and can be found in most towns and cities. They're low-rent, literally, though because they offer a full-on experience of Indian family life, which is almost always rollicking, they usually come with Bollywood-level drama thrown in.

The idea of paying guests began with parents who wanted lodging and family supervision for a son or daughter in an out-of-town university or working in a distant city but didn't have any actual relatives in the area. Someone usually knew someone who had a spare room and, over time, a nationwide system grew.

For Indian families, the parental supervisory element is paramount, which is why rates are often quoted by the month, though nightly arrangements can be negotiated. Over the years, however, young Western travellers and seasoned India hands have discovered that many of these spare rooms are fairly luxurious and a homestay can provide an unparalleled immersion in the culture.

You are expected to abide by family rules, but it has been my experience that the rules are negotiable. I put up for a while with an extended Jain family, who requested I be in by 9 o'clock every night - Jains tend to be early to bed. Eventually, however, they gave me a key and leave to come and go as I pleased. Because you're living in close quarters with a family whose cultural orientation is probably very different from your own, a certain amount of tolerance is required.

With the Jain family, I enjoyed ambrosial vegetarian meals, a sunken en suite marble bath and instant fashion checks whenever I went out. The wives frowned on cross-dressing - mixing salwar kameez tops with Western skirts. When I stayed with an Indian thukrani-sa, or countess, I had lavish breakfasts and the eye-popping experience of being invited to rummage with her through her family jewels. She'd toss me thick gold collars with rippling bibs of diamonds to try on, gold bracelets with clasps carved like elephant heads. '' … and this one I got by trading milk cows,'' she would say.

Wherever I stayed, though, my Hindi blossomed in ways it might not have otherwise; I learnt how to say ''son of a bitch''. And one night, when Mrs Singh was on a roll, I learnt how to say ''I love you'' in four different ways.

Word and board

One of the charms of paying-guest homestays is that some of the best places to stay come via word of mouth. Post an inquiry on the India Mike travel site (indiamike.com) and all leads you receive will be recommendations.

A number of websites arrange homestays, including payingguests.com, homeandhospitality .co.uk, mahindrahomestays.com and keralaconnections.co.uk. Make sure you check all feedback carefully.

Katherine Russell Rich is the author of Dreaming in Hindi: Life in Translation (Portobello Books).

- Guardian News & Media

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