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This was published 8 years ago
Are those friendly locals just faking it for tourists?
By Ben Groundwater
Credit: Alamy
"It's not real," they say when you rave about friendly Americans.
"It's all fake," they argue when you talk about the polite Japanese.
"It's just a show," they'll point out when you mention the hospitality of the Arab world.
A traditional Japanese welcome. Credit: Getty Images
There's a perception among some Australian travellers of fakery when they go overseas. That because Americans work for tips and come from a culture where great service is expected, their smiles and jocularity aren't the real thing. They're put on for customers. They're all part of a big show.
Similarly, there's a feeling that what you see in Japan is not what you get. These might appear to be some of the most polite, helpful and genuine people on the planet, but it's all just a façade. The Japanese are forced by society to act that way. True feelings of disdain lurk beneath.
And then there are the people of the Middle East, hospitable to a fault, who will invite strangers back to their homes for tea, who will help out anyone at a moment's notice. And yet you hear travellers say it's not real – that it's expected behaviour over there, a societal norm that masks indifference.
These are some of the friendliest places in the world. And yet there's the perception that it isn't genuine.
To all of those travellers, to the ones who've been to the USA, or to Japan, or to the Middle East, and been cynical of their good treatment, I would say: so what? So what if it's fake? So what if it's not real?
Let's pretend, for a second, that you're right. Let's say that Americans are actually grumpy and unfriendly, but they put on the million-dollar smiles in order to get a decent tip out of you. Let's pretend the Japanese really don't like you but act in the opposite way. Let's imagine the Arabs couldn't care less about their guests but are kind to them anyway. So what?
The important thing is the way they act. I love going to the US, because everyone's so friendly and nice. People tell you to "have a great day" all the time. They tell you it's "so great to see you". And maybe I'm naïve, but I believe them. I roll with it. Everyone's happy, everyone's pleased to see me. It's amazing.
Similarly, I'll always enjoy going to Japan because it's such a pleasant experience. Every day is pleasant. Someone there will always help you whenever you're staring stupidly at the subway map. People will always treat you respectfully in restaurants or bars. They'll strike up conversation and make you feel welcome.
And the Middle East? How could you not like the Middle East? This feeling that you're special and honoured because you're a travelling stranger? This idea that people want to take you to their homes to welcome you to their land? That's a truly great thing.
Even if these are the actions of people who are adhering to a society's rules rather than exercising their natural goodwill, does that make their actions any less real? Or less valuable?
Give me fake courtesy over real rudeness any day. You go to somewhere like Russia and no one will give you the time of day. You walk into a shop in London and you'll be welcomed with a cold stare. Same goes for many major cities around the world. No one cares about you. You'll be brushed aside if you even just ask for directions.
If what it takes to rectify that is fake kindness, then give me fake kindness any day of the week. Put it on as much as you want. Trick me with your forced smiles. I'm all for it.
Of course, I don't actually buy into the cynicism. I have a feeling that Americans truly are jovial, warm people. They actually want you to have a nice day when they say so. They really care about how you're feeling when they ask. It can seem a little off-putting for some, the more guarded among us, who can persuade themselves that it can't all be real, that no one can just be that nice – but I think they are.
I also think the vast majority of Japanese people are as polite and as kind as they seem. I don't think it's a sense of duty masking bigotry. And I'm convinced that many in the Arab world, despite the bad publicity, are as generous and as welcoming as they appear on the surface.
There will always be the cynics who insist it's fake. But it feels real to me. And that's all that matters.
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