This was published 1 year ago
Friendships that start overseas rarely last once the holiday is over and that's OK
The friendships you make while travelling can last a liftetime ... but they probably won't.Credit: iStock
Some of my greatest friendships are the ones I've made while travelling. But not everyone will care to reconnect after the grand old time you had abroad.
It can be a hard Travacalm to swallow.
I first realised this when I was 18 and spent six months travelling the UK and Europe, making friendships I thought were going to last a lifetime. They didn't.
We had a bit of a crew happening after meeting in London, which led to us downing steins together at Oktoberfest, climbing the Eiffel Tower and pegging tomatoes during La Tomatina in the months that followed.
I was certain I'd see them back at home. I was from Sydney and they were from Melbourne – somewhere I visited frequently to see family. The longevity of our friendship wasn't obstructed like the geography of other mates I'd made along the way. In my mind, having more experiences after the trip was a sure thing.
So I hit each of them up the next time I went to Melbourne, no longer than six months after everyone was back home. I was met with the typical, "Damn! I've got so much on this week, next time!" (and yes, insultingly, I received that same response the next time) or complete radio silence.
It's a lot of time and memories together only to be met with rejection on home soil. But to the people from 2009 who might be reading this – I don't hold it against you. I get it.
You see, there's something so different about friendships and relationships made abroad. Part of it comes down to how different of a person you are when overseas; something that research has coined as "Holiday Personality Syndrome".
You're more free, more open, and sometimes more loosey-goosey. A lot of the time, you say yes to new experiences because you don't want to miss out on what could become a lifetime memory. There's a "why not?" mentality taking over everything from social connections to splashing out at a destination's iconic restaurant – you're on holiday, after all. Do it!
You're not bound by any preconceived expectations of yourself either and can be whoever the hell you want to be. This removal from routine and existing social circles can absolutely elevate friendships and relationships.
I'm personally much more likely to say yes to having lunch with randoms in Uluwatu who I met an hour ago than I am to having coffee in Bondi with one of my oldest friends. Sometimes you don't have the energy, time or mental capacity back home.
It doesn't make you a bad person, it just means that you're acting differently because of the life you've returned to. A life where you have commitments or are bound by deadlines and responsibilities that you might not have had while travelling.
If you are on holiday you want a break and escape from the daily grind. And just like the holiday ends, so too can a friendship, because that break you needed is over.
We can also rely on fellow travel companions to make our trip more fun and exciting. When travelling solo, you might feel more comfortable or less lonely if another person comes with you to experience something – whether it's a day trip to Ubud or a pub crawl through Paris.
If you're travelling with others, you might be craving a new personality to shake up an otherwise-repetitive dynamic with your partner or friend.
But this doesn't mean these people want you in their life forever. Or that you want them in yours. They could just be wanting your involvement right now and vice versa. It sounds brutal but it's a reality worth understanding.
Like I said, this isn't always the case. My sister has two beautiful children with a British man she met while doing charity work in Africa, and my best friend is married to a man she met at a Bali nightclub.
Two of my best friends are girls I worked with during that same gap-year in London over a decade ago, and I see them every other week (and have done for the last 12 years). When I go to the US later this year, I plan to hit up the girls I met in Canggu who are from California.
Will they want to see me? Probably. Will they have the time and energy to see it through? Debatable.
Sometimes your travel friendships will stick and sometimes they won't. And if it's the latter, you can't deny that you still had the time of your life, learned something new or saw things from a different perspective.
The travelling friends you made may not dedicate their time to someone who they know isn't going to be a mainstay in their life because of geography or life commitments, but that doesn't mean you both don't care about, or truly benefited from meeting, one another. That's got to count for something, right? It's better to have loved and lost…you know the rest.
What I'm saying is, don't let the thought that the friendship or relationship won't translate back home deter you. But don't be surprised if you're not a priority once the trip is over either. Sometimes what happens in Vegas really does stay in Vegas. And that's OK.
Maybe seeing what they're up to on social media is enough?
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