This was published 1 year ago
How long is it OK to stay with friends or family during the holidays?
UK expat Simon Asfour finds it hard to juggle holiday hosting with maintaining a household with wife Amanda and children Zach, 3, and Luke, 3 months.Credit: James Brickwood
For many Australians, staying at a family or friend's house over the holiday season can be a great way to save money and spend time with loved ones, particularly if you're travelling a long distance from home.
But when you're the houseguest, there are a few things to consider to ensure you don't overstay your welcome, according to one etiquette expert.
Thirty-seven million visitors stayed at friends' or relatives' properties in Australia in the year ending September 2022, equating to 36 per cent of all domestic travellers, according to data from the National Visitor Survey (NVS) from Tourism Research Australia.
In fact, Australians spent 23 per cent more on travel to visit friends and relatives last year compared with pre-pandemic levels.
While the cost-saving benefits are well documented – domestic travellers who holiday at a friend's or family member's home spend on average 46 per cent less per trip ($489) compared with those who book accommodation ($1048) – this living arrangement can still take a toll on both parties.
Even the most conscientious visitors can disrupt the natural rhythms of a household.
Sydney-based UK expat Simon Asfour describes his parents as model houseguests when they travel to see him in Australia – typically once or twice a year. However, he admits he struggles in the role of entertainer during these sometimes lengthy visits.
"A few days is alright, it's just problematic when you've got so much else going on… You're constantly worrying about things like 'are they bored or am I taking too long at the shops?" said Asfour.
His parents' most recent visit was timed after the birth of his second child in September, adding "another layer of intensity".
"They're very, very thoughtful; constantly cleaning, constantly helping, constantly trying to be supportive. But I guess the issue is the 'constant' part," he said.
"With a newborn you're very stressed, sleep deprived. Everyone is 'on' the entire time, you can't just bum on the sofa," he said, laughing.
So, how long is too long? Anything beyond two to three nights might be overdoing it, according to Amanda King, an etiquette expert and director at Australian Finishing School.
"Anything over a week is really an extended stay and puts pressure on the host to entertain and maintain a household without disruption," said King.
"You are overstaying your welcome if you expect the host to be at your beck and call at every moment."
Model houseguests will be attuned to their hosts' needs – including the need to cut a stay shorter due to a change of plans.
"Sometimes the hosts may drop hints [by asking] when you will be moving on or returning. Take the hint," said King.
Guests should be mindful of their shower and sleep times to ensure it doesn't disrupt household members, as well as keeping their space tidy and bed made.
When it comes to bathroom etiquette, guests should bring their own toiletries but not take over the bathroom with them, and ensure they leave it clean and the toilet seat down – including the lid.
Rather than offering to pay for your stay, King suggests contributing in other ways.
"I would offer to contribute towards food and drink and bring something like pastries or something to share like chocolates and wine," she said.
On a guest's last day, it's considered polite to write a thank you card or letter, left with a small gift.
"Items such as chocolates, candles and champagne are always lovely and well received," said King. "Less formal is an email or text message thanking the host for the stay."
Some of the more common houseguest faux pas include bringing unwelcome guests, not offering to remove shoes when entering the house, swearing, being on the phone in the presence of company, playing loud music and engaging in loud "hanky panky".
See also: Why I can't travel with anyone for more than three days straight
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