This was published 9 years ago
Souvenir shopping: The Backpacker's biggest regrets
Got big or go home: Ben with the gigantic furry hat he bought in Azerbaijan.
Regrets: I've had a few. Most of them have been more dramatic than dodgy souvenir purchases, but still, there are plenty of items lying around my house that I realise with hindsight that I needn't have bothered bringing back home with me (if you ask my flatmate, that would be: all of them).
You just never know when you're buying these things. Some souvenirs can turn out to be lifelong treasures that will always be proudly on display. Others, you quickly realise, might look great in their place of origin; however, particularly with items of clothing, they look ridiculous at home.
These are the souvenirs that I should really have left on the shelf.
Furry Russian hat
How great is this? I'll wear it all the time! It'll be my winter beanie! I bought a furry white Russian hat thinking all of these things, and the only time I've actually worn it in Australia is to a Russian-themed fancy dress party that I had to organise myself. Conversely, I recently bought a gigantic furry hat in Azerbaijan that I plan to keep forever, even though it smells strongly of sheep. The lesson: if you're going to go big, go really big.
Bedouin headscarf
You get caught up on the moment, traversing the Saharan dunes under a blazing sun, at one with the local Bedouin people, loving every moment of the experience. And so you think, yeah, I'll buy a traditional blue Bedouin headscarf. I'll wear it back home. Maybe I'll use it as a neck-scarf. Except I never have because it's enormous and makes me look like I'm wearing a bright blue truck tyre.
Asian beer t-shirts
For a while there in my early 20s I had quite the clichéd collection: Tiger, Beerlao, 333, Chang. All the hits. They looked great while I was backpacking around Asia. When I got home, however, I realised they made me look like every other backpacker who'd been to South-East Asia and could only afford a $2 beer t-shirt as a souvenir.
Most Japanese fashion
The Japanese know how to dress. Cities like Tokyo and Osaka have to be some of the most stylish in the world, which is why you get caught up in this idea that you could replicate the local chic back home and look awesome. But then you discover that no, you'll never have a use for a kimono, and those outlandish pants are just outlandish. Japanese people are stylish – I am not. Straight to the dress-up box.
Hawaiian shirt
This is another of those "caught in the moment" purchases. In Hawaii, a Hawaiian shirt makes complete sense because they're not just for tourists: everyone wears them. Even to work. And you want to get in on the action. Back home, however, a Hawaiian shirt just makes you look like a big fat party animal. I've worn mine in Sydney a few times, and just been laughed at.
American 'lid'
There are certain things that only Americans can make look cool, and the flat-brimmed "lid" caps are one of them. Sitting in the bleachers at AT&T Park, cheering on the San Francisco Giants, I looked pretty great in my SF lid. Wandering the streets of Surry Hills, however, I look like every other wannabe gangster who's just picked one up on Crown Street.
Fijian wood carving
Like the furry hat, I've learned a valuable lesson when it comes to wood carvings: if you're going to go big, go really big. A huge carved mask would look great on my wall. The half-arsed little wooden axe I bought in Sigatoka, meanwhile, just languishes somewhere on the back of a shelf, never to be looked at again. Go big.
My Spanish man-scarf collection
I spent six weeks studying in Seville, a city in which you're pretty much naked if you leave the house without a man-scarf. Being the unfashionable Australian that I am, I turned up in Seville without a single man-scarf to my name, but soon twigged to the local fashion and started stocking up like nobody's business, pretty sure I'd be taking this look all the way back to Redfern. And then I remembered that it's really hot here.
1kg of springbok biltong
I love biltong, the South African dried meat, with a passion that borders on the bizarre. It's the ultimate beer snack, which is why, upon leaving South Africa a few years ago, I grabbed a 1kg bag of dried, vacuum-sealed springbok meat to take back with me and gnaw on at home. Except it never made it home, because I declared the biltong at customs and it was confiscated. Not the smartest purchase I've ever made.
Which souvenirs do you regret buying?
Instagram: instagram.com/bengroundwater
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