The Siam review, Bangkok: Treat yourself to a night of royalty in Bangkok

The room

No stone has been left unturned in the elegant, amply-mirrored black and white suites, the centrepiece being a majestic king size bed, grand enough for a princess. Your eyes can't help but dart furiously to the detail occupying the rest of the space - an antique wooden desk with modern USB ports, the regal armchairs or the chesterfield lounge, large enough to comfortably seat three; two widescreen televisions, one for the lounge; a generous pile of tropical fruit on the coffee table begging to be devoured. There are mementos from King Rama V's reign everywhere, and spare moments are filled perusing these framed items on the walls - old newspaper clippings, black and white photos and antique silver swords.

While the room is princely, the bathroom is to-die-for. Bookended by gloriously long dressing tables, floor-to-ceiling windows fill the room with natural light and overlook a neighbouring monastery's grounds, perfect fodder to take in from the classic, deep bathtub, should you not wish to use the double shower. Plenty of lotions and potions, and flourishes such as a super-powered ionic hairdryer will keep hard-to-please princesses content.

When we return to our room at night, the beds are turned, slippers are waiting by the bed, water and glass laid out on bedside table and Edith Piaf's music fills the air. For the first time in a while I enjoy a heavenly, uninterrupted sleep without having to construct a temple of pillows around my head.

The pool and Bather's Bar

The long, narrow infinity pool is empty every time we use it. We've barely thrown down our towels before a bartender sashays over with tall, icy glasses of water doused with fresh lime. Settling into one of the spacious daybeds adjacent the Bathers Bar, which is decorated with old scuba gear, we watch life go by on the river. Grotto-like pockets draped in vines alongside the pool allow for complete privacy to keep sheltered on those hot, sunny Bangkok days. At night, you can sink into chairs on the hotel's jetty which is the perfect place to sip on a sundowner while the sun plunges into the horizon.

The Opium Spa and Muay Thai gym

Choose your treatment from a lavish candlelit sunken lounge set around a pond where water lilies bob. Carved teak screens stretch spectacularly to the second floor - none of this would be out of place in a more opulent bar, except after a blissful massage we're sipping on herbal tea and eating skewers loaded with fresh tropical fruit instead of imbibing whisky sodas and peanuts.

The following day, renowned yoga practitioner Dr Adrish Brahmadatta bears my beginner's giggles with good nature, and my gym junkie is put to the test with the simple positions that feel more like a game of Twister to my inflexible body. Ninety minutes later I'm feeling more tested than I was over an hour's introduction to Muay Thai, held in the Siam's professionally equipped gym.

The food

Three teak double-story buildings face a quiet section of the river, the ground floor occupied by the breezy Chon Thai restaurant. You don't have to try too hard to imagine former inhabitant and socialite Connie Mangskau and her friends Jim Thompson, Roger Moore and Jackie Kennedy sipping on tea or whiskey while watching colourful tugboats escort barges slowly by. In the morning, choose from breakfast buffet items such as freshly squeezed tropical juices, buttery danishes, homemade yoghurts with berry toppings, accompanied with top-notch coffee; hot western-style meals are also on offer.

A private room towards the front of the restaurant - one of Jim Thomspon's former homes - is the setting of Siam's cooking school, where we are instructed by one of the restaurant's top chefs how to make classic Thai dishes such as laab gai and green curry with prawns using the freshest ingredients from a local market.

The Chon Thai is not the kind of restaurant that people would travel to, such as the Metropolitan's Nahm, per se, but its emphasis on traditional, home-cooked meals and fresh ingredients make for a flavoursome and convenient option. Special meals can be prepared for those on specific programs on offer such as the Muay Thai.

If your really want to feel like a princess, cancel lunch and dinner and take in an opulent afternoon tea - classic or Moet & Chandon - in Cafe Cha, set on the hotel's expansive, palatial front porch.

Stepping out

You really want to step out? OK, if you must, the Siam has its own boat which taxis guests down to the BTS station at Saphin Taksim, and from there you can go any place you want - like having your very own chauffeur driven boat. Channel your inner princess as you pass ferries overloaded with tourists, giant cameras hanging from their necks. I forgive the driver's tardiness when I get on board and am handed a cool bottle of water and towel. The boats run late into the evening, so if you want a taste of Bangkok nightlife, you're only one stop away from Banglamphu.

The verdict

Thai hospitality ain't what it used to be - except at The Siam. This is as close as you're going to get to living like Thai royalty - an exclusive yet informal stay among old-fashioned class with modern trappings. Leaving was so difficult, I had to be stopped from calling home to have them send over my things.

As a visit was drawn to a close, staff we don't recall meeting gathered at the lobby to bid us adieu and load our trunks into the car that take us on to our next destination. As the vehicle pulled out of the driveway, quite a few minutes later, I turned around to take one last look out the rear window.

The staff were still waving.