This was published 15 years ago
Well divorced from reality
The scenery, climate and value for money was an eye-opener for Kerry-Anne Walsh.
Bora Bora, a hairy 50-minute plane ride from Papeete, the Tahitian capital, is the ultimate fantasy destination for dewy-eyed newlyweds.
From high-profile lovey-doveys like Nic and Keith to less-than-famous couples from Europe and Asia, the small Pacific island is sold as the perfect indulgence destination for those first heady weeks of married life.
But the cottages perched on the edge of the bluest of blue coral lagoon water, the island's startlingly beautiful surrounds and the pampering offered by its upmarket resorts doesn't just attract the officially coupled.
Those who are officially uncoupling sometimes choose to celebrate in paradise, too.
Dominique Toledano, the beguiling Frenchman who runs Club Med, one of 22 flash resorts on the 31-square-kilometre island, recalls an Aussie couple who marked their divorce by shouting themselves a week's holiday there - together.
"It was the last time they were going to be living together," he explains, displaying no surprise or amusement at the unusual celebration. "They had the same room.
"They looked like friends, they ate together." Oh, and they both had other partners at home, he added, shrugging nonchalantly. C'est la vie.
Not that anyone would blink an eye in ooh la la French Polynesia, particularly at Club Med, where the French staff double up at night as risque performers in cabaret acts. Robbie, a gorgeous young chap, was a particularly appealing resort worker, who doubled up as dance choreographer and wondrously transformed at night into an exotic performer.
Australians don't tend to go to Bora Bora. Perhaps it's the abundance of fine beaches at home, or the pick of fancy resorts on our doorstep in Asia and the Pacific.
The French, Belgians, Italians, Americans and Japanese all flock to the island, but the best Club Med could manage last year was one week when 8 per cent of guests were Australians.
The question for Bora Bora resort managers like Toledano is why Aussies would spend the best part of a day getting to the island when they can spend far less time and money on a perfectly splendid island holiday that's a lot closer to home.
Because there's no other place on the planet like French Polynesia, Toledano offers as an explanation, breaking into a slow smile at the daftness of such a question. Silly me.
And, he adds, because the all-inclusive cost - packages at the Club Med resort include all food, water activities, night-time entertainment and air fares - makes a holiday there great value for money.
The coded meaning for "value for money" is sometimes "low quality fare". If only. My two kilos piled on in five days was ample testament to the skill of the Club Med chefs, damnit.
The three buffet meals - themed every day from a different part of the world - were not dished up by wannabe cooks.
Each spread featured at least six different food bars, from specialist hot foods to canapes, soups, starters, salads, desserts and the most wicked breads, pastries and cakes, all topped off by good quality French wines.
Tres magnifique.
Because of the all-in package arrangement, never having to put your hand in your pocket to pay a bill is a delight.
Maybe small things tickle my fancy, but to pick and choose what and when to eat and drink without being presented with a bill is sheer adolescent good fun.
The no-bill rule also applies in the laid-back, open-air bar, where our small Australian group dubiously earned our 15 minutes of fame by belting out Gloria Gaynor's I Will Survive on karaoke night, our tonsils perhaps lubricated by a few "free" cocktails.
Every morning, guests can pretend to work off their various indulgences by taking a short boat trip to the waters off a nearby island where, for 45 minutes, you can swirl frantically about like a pierced fish under the tutelage of an aqua aerobics instructor.
Floating on your back watching the tropical rains edge across the water, with a mutinous-looking volcanic mountain as a backdrop alongside picture-perfect tropical palms, is a sight you won't find at resorts close to home.
The sessions are such hard work that a cool drink is a must before lunch. After another sumptuous feast, a nap in the peaceful water-edge bungalow beckons.
The bungalows are simple but do the trick. A pitched ceiling over the main room - housing a king-sized bed and not much more - helps disperse the humidity, along with a giant fan that turns silently.
Slide open the glass doors and a private veranda atop white sand is a delight for reading or quiet contemplation. For those who want to fry in the tropical sun - and a lot of the Europeans were hell-bent on achieving varying shades of lobster - sunbeds dot the shoreline.
Set back from the water are blocks of less expensive accommodation. More motel-style, they still offer views and are set in landscaped gardens. Club Med Bora Bora has a capacity of 300, making it one of the smaller resorts on the island.
What's a trip to paradise without an island god to show you around? For $US90 ($108) per person, Patrick Taipua, his muscled, heavily tattooed body bursting out of an off-the-shoulder sarong, takes groups on cruises around the island, stopping seemingly in the middle of nowhere to drop anchor and feed the giant stingrays.
I confess I squibbed it - jumping into deep waters to feed animals that took the life of Steve Irwin last year was a heroic challenge I couldn't meet. But the giant creatures were attentive and playful with Taipua, and the others in our group who braved a terrifying couple of minutes to feed them.
Taipua knew about Irwin's death. Every person whose lives are interwoven with the rhythms of nature and the sea did, even in far-flung Tahitian islands. And Taipua is calm about who he believes was tragically guilty for the incident.
"It is the law of nature: leave them alone and they will leave you alone," he says. "I've been a tour guide for 20 years and I've never had one second of problems, or seen any tourist hurt."
Taipua is one of a growing number of islanders who are fearful that too much more development will spoil their Tahitian paradise.
Every one of Bora Bora's 4500 residents of working age is employed in some capacity by the flash resorts. Another 3500 have migrated from nearby islands and European countries to work there.
But land is handed down from generation to generation, and wise heads like Taipua see a troubling trend emerging of families losing their lands and livelihoods to rapacious international resorts. His family knocked back a multimillion-dollar offer for their slice of paradise, a 320 metres by 137 metres parcel of picture-perfect land on a small motu (coral island), many of which make up Bora Bora.
It's little wonder the small specks of nirvana dotted around the world's seas are eyed by developers wooing big-spending Westerners.
The challenge is to continue to work together so the islands retain their unique charm, inhabitants are looked after and the rest of us enjoy a tiny slice of heaven every now and again.
The writer was a guest of Club Med.
TRIP NOTES
* Air Tahiti Nui flies twice-weekly from Sydney to the Tahitian capital, Papeete, with full economy fares starting at about $2000. It takes seven hours to fly to the capital, then a 50-minute inter-island flight and a 20-minute boat ride to Bora Bora.
* Club Med Bora Bora is offering a "Pay 8, Stay 10" special for bookings made prior to June 30 for travel before October 31. The package includes eight nights' accommodation at Club Med Bora Bora, two nights' accommodation in Tahiti, three gourmet buffet meals per day, all day bar and snack menu, return economy air fares flying Air Tahiti Nui, activities, and transfers priced at $4304 per adult, $2927 per child (aged four to 11) and $1497 for infants (aged two to three). Bookings 1800 258 263 or see http://www.clubmed.com.au.
* Club Med runs specials throughout the year in conjunction with Air Tahiti Nui.
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