Where are the world's worst taxis?

In a recent survey, a London Cabs website put the finger on the taxi drivers of Kuala Lumpur as the world's worst – and the Kuala Lumpur Sentral Taxi Drivers Association agreed. "There are too many taxi drivers out there, and easy to be one of them," according to association president Badrol Hisham. "Anyone can become a taxi driver, even ex-convicts could be a taxi driver. All they need to do is just have the drivers' licence."

The citizenry of Kuala Lumpur piled in when the report was picked up by the city's popular press, blaming drivers who took circuitous routes and those disinclined to use the meter, despite what the law says. Everyone in KL, it seems, has a bad-guy taxi story.

Taxi drivers are one of our first impressions of a city, possibly our parting one as well. You might first encounter them in a swarm as soon as you swing past the customs area of the airport terminal, as at Denpasar, or behind the wheel of a Mercedes, as at Flughafen Zurich. It might be a gypsy cab driver who hustles you, "Welcome to New York, where to buddy?" and your taxi ride is like the one bad prawn. All it takes is one disputed fare, one questionable routing and every taxi driver in that city gets the hardened-criminal-sleazebag tag.

Second on the London Cabs blacklist is Rome. Really? I was just in Rome, caught four taxis between the two hotels where I stayed and the station and the taxi drivers were all good as gold. Their taxis were wholesome, they helped with my luggage, fares were reasonable and thanks expressed for my modest tips. When I complimented one of the drivers on his beautiful car – it was a new Skoda – he shook my hand, thanked me and wished me buon viaggio.

The world loves to stereotype its taxi drivers. Japanese taxi drivers wear white gloves, they might grumble if you try to close the back door but they don't expect a tip. London cabbies will call you guv'nor and they know exactly which way to go, New York City drivers might speak English and you'd better know how to get where you're going because they might not. In Ashgabat, the capital of Turkmenistan, the taxi system is rather more freelance, as it is in many of the former Soviet Socialist Republics. There are virtually no official taxis. What you do is stand by the side of the road looking obvious, a car will pull up, you tell the driver where you want to go and agree to a price. Mateship rules in Australia, where it's an unwritten rule that a man will ride in the front seat, a concept that baffles visitors. In Ho Chi Minh City, Vinasun and Mai Linh taxis are the goods, but beware of fakes of both brands.

Even a short spell out in the world will give you a handful of taxi stories. A couple of years ago, together with a Polish cousin, I caught a taxi in Warsaw. "Just don't open your mouth," she said, being a rather direct person. However, I did make some remark, in English of course, as we drove past Lazienki Park and she glowered at me. The fare was way more than it should have been. "I told you not to do that," said my cousin. "If they think you're a tourist they're going to rip you off." However, she did sort him out, and the fact of having told off two grown men in double quick time brought her great satisfaction.

Years before that I caught a taxi from my hotel in Port Moresby out to the airport. The taxi meter was one of the old ticking mechanical meters used in Australian metro taxis a couple of decades ago. The digits on the meter whizzed around like a spinning roulette wheel, with barely the blink of an eye between each click to the next fare. By the time I reached the airport the fare was approaching the cost of my air ticket to Australia. Prepared for an argument, I told the driver the fare was ridiculous. "OK, let's make it 20 kina," he said, and that was that.

Best ever taxi ride was in Aleppo in Syria where I caught a ride from the old covered bazaar to my hotel. Western visitors were rare then, and rarer still now that the city has been smashed to smithereens. We chatted as best we could, English is not widely spoken in Syria, and at the end of the ride he refused to take any money.

According to the latest Prices and Earnings report published by UBS, the 20 most expensive cities for taxis based on a five-kilometre ride within the city limits are:

1. Oslo
2. Zurich
3. Geneva
4. Auckland
5. Stockholm
6. Montreal
7. Milan
8. Amsterdam
9. Los Angeles
10. Copenhagen
11. Helsinki
12. Frankfurt
13. Berlin
14. Miami
15. Rome
16. Munich
17. Chicago
18. Brussels
19. Paris
20. Lyon