Australia's most bizarre laws that make no sense

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This was published 7 years ago

Australia's most bizarre laws that make no sense

By Hugh Morris
Updated

British writer Hugh Morris outlines some of the craziest Australian laws he reckons we're forced to follow.

Celebrity power couple Johnny Depp and Amber Heard recently fell foul of Australia's strict laws regarding transporting animals into the country.

Actress Heard was given a one-month good behaviour bond after pleading guilty to a charge of falsifying documents while bringing her two pet Yorkshire terriers into Australia aboard a private jet last year. A court in the state of Queensland ruled that she had been genuinely remorseful and that no criminal conviction should be recorded.

The episode baffled some members of the public, who can see no wrong in the actions of Heard, Pistol and Boo (they are her dogs), but this is not the only law Australia is notorious for fervently enforcing. Not even half.

Let us consider some of the other, far more peculiar, codes the Antipodean country has on its books.*

1. In Queensland taxi drivers must keep a bale of hay in the boot of their car.

Why?

2. In Victoria it is illegal to change a light bulb unless you are a qualified electrician.

How many Australians does it take to change… ah, forget it.

3. Bars are required by law to stable, water and feed the horses of patrons.

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Don't take your horse on the lash.

Anzac the beautiful horse steps into Beach Road hotel for lunch and a beer

Anzac the beautiful horse steps into Beach Road hotel for lunch and a beer Credit: George Lipman

4. It is illegal to be 'drunk' in pubs in Australia.

Figures.

5. After midday on Sunday in Victoria it is illegal to wear pink hot pants.

Fixed it for you: all the time.

Credit: iStock

6. On Melbourne's Brighton Beach, bathers are breaking the law if they do not wear a neck-to-knee swimsuit.

Naughty.

7. Children under the age of 18 are prohibited to buy cigarettes, but can smoke as many as they want.

So they beg, borrow and steal.

8. It is illegal (and stupid) to leave your car keys in an unattended vehicle.

Protecting people from themselves.

9. It is against the law to roam the streets wearing black clothes, felt shoes and black shoe polish on your face.

Basically, it's illegal to be a racist, elfish ninja.

Dressing like this can get you arrested.

Dressing like this can get you arrested.Credit: iStock

10. It's illegal to walk on the right hand side of a footpath.

Because why wouldn't it be?

11. Coming within 100 metres of the carcass of a dead whale is against the law.

This mariachi band is breaking the law.

12. Spitting in Brisbane is illegal and gross.

More places need this.

13. You can be fined $500 for advertising a reward for lost or stolen property and stating "no questions asked" for its return.

Don't ask, don't tell, get arrested.

14. It is illegal to wear a disguise without a lawful excuse.

As well it should be.

*Do not use this article as any basis for a legal defence.

See also: 11 things that only happen in Australia
See also: 20 things that will surprise first-time visitors to Australia

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