How to ski like an Austrian

It goes without saying that you have to be a great skier if you want to ski like an Austrian. After all, Austrians hit the ski slopes before they have enough teeth to bite into schnitzel. Austria tops the lists of most Alpine Skiing World Cup titles by a commanding margin. The most titled male and female skiers are both Austrian. Heck, it was an Austrian who invented the whole of modern skiing technique.

In short, ask an Austrian how you ski and they'll be as thunderstruck as if a giraffe has asked about its grace in flight. "Skiing is easy if you do the right thing," an instructor once told me mournfully, after days of trying to correct my turns.

Fortunately, though, to ski like an Austrian you need a few other talents that don't involve actual skiing. A hearty appetite, for one. The slopes are dotted with chalets doling out fry-ups that would fell a wolf, followed by chopped pancakes slathered in whipped cream and plum compote in piles that reach your chin.

Austrian skiers like their long lunches. Some on-slope restaurants have sophisticated multi-course meals accompanied by glasses of wine. Swap ski boots for felt slippers and have Schnapps by the fire. Sit on a terrace and soak up the sun. Skiing isn't just a sport, it's a sociable and relaxed activity that involves eating, conversing and (eventually) naked sauna-sitting.

Off you go from your lunch at 2pm (if you're Austrian) to make several effortless swoops down a cliff face before reaching the base of the mountain at 4pm in order to throw yourself into the notorious apres-ski scene. Nobody does apres-ski partying quite like an Austrian. Abandon your jacket and hat, hurl yourself into the crowd, pretend you're back in the 1980s and you'll fit right in.

If you can remember the moves of the macarena and the YMCA, so much the better. You'll feel some relieved schadenfreude that those macho skiers you thought were so cool on the slopes are now prancing about like drag queens, as if disco never went out of fashion.

The morning after the long night before, many Austrians will still be abed when the ski lifts open. Good news for those who like to make first tracks and don't have a hangover. The magnificent ski-fields are all yours for an hour, and nobody will be watching your inelegant turns.