Tall order ... one of Werribee Zoo's resident giraffes.
While it is possible the loud commotion taking place metres from my head on the other side of a canvas tent is the work of a large possum, my list of suspects is more sinister and carnivorous.
It is 4am in a neighbourhood inhabited by several notorious killers. The roaring begins at terrifying levels. Surely those lions are only metres away to achieve that sort of volume. This is Werribee Zoo, after all. Is it possible they let them out to stretch their legs at night? Or is this an unauthorised escape?
The aforementioned rustling continues unabated and I am forced to make a grim conclusion. The noise is definitely a lion who, having found his prey (moi), is preparing for the mauling while the rest of the pride cheers on.
Even though it should be noted I survive the night unscathed by either lions or possums and resume sleeping, I am pleased to be genuinely terrified, if only for a fleeting, wimpy moment. What an authentic African-style thrill.
There aren't too many accommodation options in Victoria where you can fear being randomly mauled to death by a predator on a Saturday night. Well, not outside the CBD at least.
Werribee Open Range Zoo has been holding slumber safaris on Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights from September to May for six years and they book out quickly each season, which is not surprising.
Experiencing the sights and sounds after dark of the mostly African animals that reside on this 225-hectare property is a memorable experience for those who like their wildlife supersized. There are rhinos, hippos, lions, giraffes, antelope, zebra, cheetahs and other zoo favourites from the cute-size end of the spectrum, such as meerkats.
The campsite is perched safely on a cliff overlooking the "savannah", which conveniently ensures guests are not trampled in their sleep by any free-range rhinos or hippos.
There is not too much roughing it during this camping experience, however. No tents to be pitched or food to be caught or cooked. Guests stay in eight luxurious safari-style tents or "lodges" on elevated platforms that sleep up to four people in comfortable beds draped in mosquito netting.
There is no luxurious bathing, however. The zoo prides itself on the eco-friendliness of the solar-powered campsite and showers in the communal block are limited to a three-minute maximum.
They might spare the water but not the food. From the moment you arrive at the camp after being driven on a tour of the zoo, you are bombarded with nibbles. It starts with roti bread and dips at sunset, followed by a hearty barbecue feast cooked by your guides in a large shed adorned with safari decorations. There's boerwurst sausage, Moroccan-spiced steak, chicken skewers and a buffet of salad offerings.
Each safari consists of 16 to 23 people and the experience is not open to children under 12, so a lively camaraderie of relaxed guests sipping their BYO tipples evolves during dinner and then migrates to the campfire.
I highly recommend hitting the hay early – not just to be on alert for potential predators but to catch the magnificent sunrise over the zoo's plain in the morning. The first rays of light hitting the savannah might magically reveal a couple of the zoo's seven rhinos wandering below, giraffes stepping out on to the plain from their overnight heated premises or a majestic antelope herd grazing close by. In the skies above, spectacular phalanxes of birds set out for the day while predatory hawks hover, scouting for prey.
While you take in the morning view, your hosts are busily cooking up snags and eggs to your liking in the dining hut for breakfast. There's a cooked selection of bacon, eggs, tomatoes and mushrooms, plus fruit and cereal.
Overnight campers are always treated to two behind-the-scenes experiences of the zoo in the afternoon and morning of their stay. During my visit, this includes an up-close-and-personal meeting with an ageing rhino retired to its own private enclosure out of public sight and a session of watching cheetahs feed.
Slumber-safari guests can also enjoy a 20 per cent discount on the open-vehicle tours and species-specific experiences that give closer encounters with the lions or giraffes.
The Werribee venue offers an awe-inspiring setting for camping and an overnight stay provides much more excitement than a day trip to the zoo. If you're unlikely to ever don a pith helmet and follow the wildebeest migration through Kenya and beyond, the slumber safari will be a memorable out-of-Africa adventure.
Lorna Edwards was a guest of Werribee Zoo. Slumber safaris, adults $295, children aged 12-17 $285 (minimum of $425 a lodge). Phone 9731 9600, see zoo.org.au/Werribee/Slumber_Safari. The zoo is about 30 minutes west from Melbourne on the Princes Freeway.
Sign up for the Traveller Deals newsletter
Get exclusive travel deals delivered straight to your inbox. Sign up now.