Just buy it: You'll regret it if you don't.Credit: Getty Images
Do it. Buy it.
If you're standing there at the souvenir shop tossing up the wisdom of spending far too much money on something that seems cool now but you know will probably turn out to be ridiculous by the time you get it home: do it. Buy it.
Spend your money. Abandon all caution. Forget the hassle of getting the stupid thing home and just make the purchase.
In the same vein as the saying "I'd rather regret the things I've done than the things I haven't", you're most likely to regret the things you didn't buy when you're travelling rather than those you did.
Sure, for every successful souvenir purchase proudly on display in my house, I've probably got 10 or 11 disasters that are collecting dust in a box somewhere, but that's not the point. I don't regret those things. I just don't look at them much.
It's the things I haven't bought that I regret. It's the carpet I didn't buy in Iran because it would have been too much of a hassle to get it home. It's the lights I didn't buy at a bazaar in Turkey. It's the artwork I didn't buy in China. It's the woolly hat I didn't buy in Russia.
You know you want it: Carpet dealers in Baku, Azerbaijan. Credit: Alamy
It used to be something of a point of pride for me that I didn't buy souvenirs. I was into travel for the experience, not for the tacky tokens that would only serve to prove to other people where I'd been. I was content with taking photos and saving my money. Who enjoys haggling anyway? For things to show off?
Over time, however, I realised I actually wanted some tokens of my experiences. I wanted to be able to look around my house at a collection of foreign junk that marked my passage around the world. I wanted to see things from my travels.
I'd been to thousands of amazing places and had absolutely nothing to show for any of them.
And it's not like you get these opportunities every day. You don't often have the chance to buy something from a foreign country that means something to you.
As I sit here writing this column from Baku, Azerbaijan, I'm feeling smugly satisfied with the recent purchase of few souvenirs that may turn out to be very bad choices. But I've taken my own advice – I've gone for it.
They sell the most amazingly ridiculous hats in Baku, traditional headwear from the Caucasus, towering woolly jobs that make you look somewhere between a Buckingham Palace guard and Sideshow Bob. Unless I'm invited to a Caucasian-themed fancy dress party – and those offers seem to have been thin on the ground lately – I'll never have occasion to actually wear this hat.
It'll just take its place proudly on a shelf somewhere next to my Mexican mariachi sombrero and my Turkish whirling Dervish hat. It'll also remind me forever of my brief foray into Azerbaijani life.
Souvenir shopping: tick. I walked out of that store a few hours ago completely happy with my crazy find.
Oh, and then I walked into another shop around the corner and almost immediately dropped $500 on a traditional Azeri carpet.
That's a lot of money. But I'm tired of visiting exotic carpet-making countries and not buying one for myself.
So this afternoon I walked into the authentically named Flying Carpets store in the Baku old town, drank some tea, looked at some merchandise, drank more tea, had a surprisingly deep discussion with the Shia carpet salesman about the possible existence of God after he'd had his afternoon prayer, haggled half-heartedly over price, and then agreed to lay down a whopping great amount of money for a 40-year-old carpet from Dagestan.
At least, I think that's where it's from. And how old it is.
"You'll keep it your whole life," the salesman said to me, and I hope he turns out to be right. I hope I look at that carpet and appreciate it every day. That's what a good souvenir should be all about – a gentle, hopefully visually attractive reminder of another place and another time that you can keep in your home forever. Those of us who love travel should also love souvenirs. We should want mementos and tokens of time in foreign lands.
So my advice to you: buy souvenirs. A lot of them. Buy big expensive souvenirs or small tacky ones. Start a collection of something. Make it fridge magnets or key rings or crazy foreign hats.
Buy things that could only be purchased in the country you're visiting. Buy strange, quirky things and beautiful, expensive things. Figure out a way to get them home. Figure out a way to pay for them later.
Do it. Buy it. You (probably) won't regret it.
What is the best souvenir you've bought? Do you have any souvenir shopping regrets?
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