This was published 7 years ago
What would a Ryanair Holiday would really look like? Airline launches holiday packages
By Hugh Morris
We've all heard what a Ryanair flight is like, so what would a Ryanair Holiday be like?
The trumpets jolt you from your slumber.
No, you haven't suddenly been crowned ruler of your own kingdom, it's actually the first morning of your Ryanair Holiday and those horns are your wake-up call, composed by everyone's favourite budget airline.
Dooot-doo-doo-doot-doot-doot-dooottt! Anyone who has ever flown with the low-cost carrier will recognise the jingle played whenever a flight arrives on time.
But while we know what to expect from a Ryanair flight, its new foray into the world of package holidays remains a mystery.
Using our experiences of hopping over to Faro and back for £30 ($A51), let us imagine what a Ryanair Holiday - as the airline strives to be the "Amazon of air travel" - might entail.
Cheap as chips
First and foremost, you can likely rely on the price tag being rock bottom. "It's still all about the cost," said Ryanair's Kenny Jacobs, announcing the plans. "Low price, but not low quality."
A glance at the website shows that, for example, a six-night stay for two in a three-star B&B in Alicante during May costs from £211 per person.
Colourful hotels
The airline, working with Spanish operator Logitravel and package group World2Meet, is ready to offer 330,000 hotels, it says. But in keeping with Ryanair's current colour scheme, surely it will lean towards retina-burning blue and yellow decor.
Upright beds
Remember those beds that swing down from the wall to save space? Just like that, only they remain upright. After all, Ryanair boss Michael O'Leary once said of upright seating on planes: "I'd love to operate aircraft where we take out the back ten rows and put in hand rails. We'd say if you want to stand, it's five euros." How much would you be willing to save on a holiday to sleep standing up?
£1 to use the ensuite
Ryanair is synonymous with optional charges. So for a package holiday, what are we imagining? £1 to use the en-suite; 50p to open the curtains (because who really needs sunlight); £5 for snorkel hire; £10 for a lilo.
Lithuanian beach holidays
Ryanair said it is targeting the likes of the Costas, Portugal, and the Med with its holidays, but let's not forget the airline's broad offering of lesser-known destinations. Who needs Alicante when you have Szczecin in Poland or the Hungarian city of Timisoara? We're all off to the Lithuanian seaside resort town of Palanga. Who's coming?
Stags at every stage
It is in part its excellent range of eastern European cities that means stag dos often find their way onto Ryanair flights. So why should the holidays be any different. In fact, to really round off the budget experience, let's set a mandatory limit of at least one stag or hen do on each floor of the hotel.
Scratchcards on the pillow
Ryanair's ubiquitous charity scratch cards sold on flights for €2 ($A2.84) will surely make their way onto your holiday - on the pillow, at the breakfast buffet, at the bottom of the pool, you name it.
A friendly face on reception
This is perhaps the most fanciful feature to expect from a Ryanair Holiday: Michael O'Leary on the front desk. He's no shrinking violet and is not renowned for his bedside manner: "People say the customer is always right, but you know what - they're not. Sometimes they are wrong and they need to be told so."
Erm... refunds?
"We don't want to hear your sob stories," O'Leary once said. "What part of 'no refund' don't you understand?"
The Telegraph, London
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